2021 YEAR-ENDER POST (www.shesaidgoforit.com)

Sual, Pangasinan

When 2021 came, I remember telling myself that 2021 is a year for growth. The previous year gave me a lot of perspectives and realizations that helped me make a lot of decisions. I'm not sure if they are the best decisions I could have made but I believe that I am a better version of myself from a year ago and that’s enough for me right now.

To be honest, I am struggling like the rest of us. I still don’t have life figured out, I still don’t know what I’ll be in the future, or even where I’m gonna be in the next year or so. I guess my advantage lies in being able to take hearsays and blows and move on with my life.

I recently listened to a podcast wherein they talk about their reflection on 2021 and a part of it suggested browsing through your gallery or photos at the very start of 2021 up to the last so you can see where you’ve been through, what you have done, where you’ve been, and your overall growth in that year. I did that and I realized that 2021 was not that eventful. But here’s an obligatory year-end post.


A few months ago I remember catching up with a friend virtually and I told her that I am behind my personal goals. I told her how it frustrates me at times because I can’t get myself on track.

Her normal response was to appease me, and I understand her for that because I tend to do the same when I am in her shoes. She told me that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, but I told her I usually wasn’t, and perhaps that’s where I went wrong. Maybe I need to take some beating for my growth because now I can, and now I have to.

At that exact moment, I allowed myself to be hard on myself. I allowed myself to be drowned with doubts and insecurities. I have to stop faking it, even if it's just for an hour or two, I have to stop cushioning the blow because I need to fall hard. At that moment I acknowledge all my mistakes and shortcomings. I acknowledge that I am strong enough to take some beating from myself. 


As I’ve said, 2021 was not eventful. If I’m being honest, 2020 was more eye-opening and added more value and realization to my life than 2021. Maybe unconsciously I longed for a much longer break which I got from 2020. And maybe I'm getting used to it, but I have to move pass this phase. I can no longer make my goals wait any longer, I have to move.


Last December, I got to travel with my high school friends and we were able to go to the beach and it was a much-needed break for us, my friends are girl bosses so there’s that.

This is probably the peak of my year since I've said that my 2021 was uneventful. I get to take a breather and be with my crazy friends who argue about what we have... free will or destiny. It’s great to be with friends who share the same level of craziness and respect your limitations, I'll tell you that. It’s like high school and college all over again, but instead of talking about which book boyfriend is better, we are now talking about life and adulting, and how we’re all just specks of dust. No judgment or whatsoever.

I treasure these people because they are low maintenance friends, well we’ve always been low maintenance ever since but you get what I’m trying to say. It just amazes me how far this friendship has been. From grocery shopping for spaghetti in high school for our movie marathon sesh to getting our asses out there trying to cook seafood (which was a failure haha). We should have stuck with spaghetti.


For someone who got a very busy December schedule, I really had the audacity to attend events and meet with friends huh? In my defense, work-life balance is a must.

Anyway, it was a volunteering activity in Gawad Kalinga Tibagan and Gawad Kalinga Sapang Maragul with my college mutuals. And to be honest, before the event I got anxious because I thought I’ll be left out since the only person that I’m tight with was Kat. And she’s a social butterfly, so I was thinking that I’ll end up fending for myself. Fortunately, the people were very inclusive and friendly. I know some of them by name but I never got the chance to befriend them before. To cut the story short, I befriended them and my humor was on-point that day (Kat will vouch for this).


What I meant by walking away from the spotlight is that I consciously took a step back from social media and the internet world because I was protecting my peace. In the later part of 2021, I got conscious and ditch posting and sharing stuff using my socmed accounts. It wore me off that I can’t even explain it. Short story short, I got anxious with socmed and ended up taking a step back from it. But for 2022, I plan to rise above it and put ideas and content out there. 


So some of my college friends and I decided to do an IG Live series where we talk about movies. At first, we just do it for fun, and then the next thing we know we are really going into it with a separate account solely for the show. Now, we are in our mid-season break for our Season 2 where we watch and review movies from different auteurs. 

2021, you are great. I'm sorry I didn't feel you but it's not your fault, the problem is within me.

A lot of people think I was very productive with all the things I've accomplished and achieved but I don't feel like it. Deep inside I know in my heart that I can do more, that I haven't given my all because I was so afraid to fail at my best. But don't worry, I'll be better.

This 2022, I'll be the bida-bida kid my future self will be proud of. 

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