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Honesty hour. The past few weeks have been stressful for me. I'm extremely anxious about my health, no serious illness but I'm extremely anxious and my brain is highlighting the symptoms which makes me overthink that I have a more serious disease.
There was a time when my co-workers from my previous work noticed that I've been sickly since starting my remote work and I agree. I've worked graveyard for a couple of months and it is scientifically proven that lack of sleep can really weaken our immune system. But to be honest, it's my fault. I was so unhealthy because I didn't make time to be healthy. No movement, no exercise.
I needed an outlet for all my worries but I can't. I'm torn between needing to have an outlet and being scared that once I verbalise or write them down they will become my truth. I guess the past few years made me unemotional. I've always been vulnerable, I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I was never scared of being vulnerable until I was. I've recently realized why, but it'll take more courage for me to finally share it.I'm taking baby steps. And this, reviving this account, is one of the first steps I'm taking to be vulnerable.
I had a conversation last week, and a learning that struck me was that it's okay to feel scared and anxious. Those are negative feelings but they are still emotions. Our society highlights that bliss is the goal, and being happy is the normal emotion. I guess that's the reason why when we encounter these negative feelings, we break down. But negative emotions are also valid.
I knew in my heart and my mind that I was strong. And I guess, along the way, I never allowed myself to be vulnerable because I'm supposed to be strong.
But there's also strength in vulnerability.
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