Dear Vita, I’m old enough to care

Dear Vita, I saw my reflection in the mirror and I realized that I was old enough to care

I am old. It was a passing realization but has a deeper impact.

I am an adult now.

I’m no longer a child who can ask help from Lola when I am in trouble. I can no longer nudge her feet under the dining table to signal her to get a portion of the rice or some vegetables that I was supposed to eat. I can no longer ask Lola to watch the TV by our room’s door because I was too scared to sleep on my own. I can no longer wake her up in the middle of the night just because I needed to pee. 

You know, age doesn’t really bother me that much. But sometimes the things that you did as a child will resurface, and it will bring you back to a time when everything is simple.

I am never that kind of person that’s becoming shy when she ages another year or becomes conscious of the number. But the past years made me realize how adult I’ve become. That I am old enough to care about the things around me.

We were made to believe that we can do whatever we want and have whatever we need because we’re already adults. But it’s more than that.

I am an adult who needs to look after the people I love.

I have to face my own trouble because no ones gonna take the blame for me anymore.

I’m now a food police so that Lola has to finish her meals and I have to make sure that she does not eat fatty foods. I sleep in a different room from Lola since the pandemic hits because I travel to work and she has a compromised immune system already and I don’t want to take chances. Now, she wakes us up when she needs to pee in the night because her legs can no longer support her- but we can.

The tables have turned. And it means you have to make sacrifices to make ends meet so you can all soar together. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about you and what you want. There’s a bigger picture out there, and it’s in your hand on how you will paint it.

This pandemic and the past few years made me appreciate life and the people around me more. Life is fleeting and it’s not something we can control, what we have control over is how we live it.

So before it’s too late, look around you.

Fight the fear and doubt, take risk and try. Be your own kind of hero, be your own kind of survivor.

Be someone else’s raft and reason for their survival.