2019 is so last decade; hello 2020

I must admit that 2019 was not my year.

2018 broke me but 2019 got me numb.

I had high hopes and expectations that I was on the right speed, that the momentum was there to make 2019 a prosperous year, but I made a couple of mistakes.

I was wrong to expect without getting myself ready. I was wrong to list my goals in bullet form without thinking how to achieve them. I was wrong to forget to have a back up plan. And lastly, I was wrong to think that everything will go according to my plans.

2018 was the year we got broken. We got stuck and got hurt big time. 2019 on the other hand, is the year we got numb. We got used to all the pain but we ran out of adrenaline and so we got tired of being in pain.

In my own experience, this year is one of the toughest years I had not just because of the intensity of the problems I faced but because I still haven't fully recovered from the past years pour of rain. The self doubt, pressure, and expectations still linger with me.

It was the toughest because somewhere down the line I got fed up. I ran out of the light I tried giving out to other people. I ran out and too scared to ask for some because I know that they also have battles they need to face. They have darkness they need to fight off.

"We teach best what we most need to learn." that was a line from Dr. Carr, a shrink from Grey's Anatomy S14E3

2019 taught me to look out for myself the same intensity I used to look out for other people. I keep preaching how we should be hopeful, kind, and positive and that's not because I have it all figured out but rather I know how it feels to be on the same shoes.

I was able to bounce back, maybe not as high as I hope but a bounce back nonetheless.
2018 and 2019 was a bit mean for us, you shouldn't add more burden to yourself. Be kind to everyone. 
Be kind to yourself.

We made it. Thank you for being a part of my 2019.

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