Why do people get hurt?

I was reading a novel when I encounter a line wherein the hero asks ‘Why do people hurt each other?’ and then I remember a similar question that I keep on asking towards anyone back then and that memory made me write this now.

When I was younger, freshman or sophomore in college, I did this thing where I ask people a question just to satisfy my curiosity and be enlightened. Looking back I think my question has something to do with the books I read back then, If I stay, Where she went, Nicholas Sparks’, My Heart and Other Blackholes, and of course TFIOS. Tear-jerking stories, I know, and I love them.

What’s even funny is that I was bold enough to message some known people just to get their point-of-view and satisfy my curiosity. I ask them this. Why do people get hurt?

I’ve asked friends and I think there was a time where I wrote down their answers somewhere for some reasons that are now forgotten. I remember a friend quoted a line from the book The perks of being a Wallflower for her answer which says ‘Because we accept the the love we think we deserve’

Kuya Em, Marcelo Santos III, was also kind enough to answer this as a book dedication for his self-publish version of his book Para Sa Hopeless Romantic and he said that People get hurt dahil hindi sila natatakot mag-risk sa mga gusto nila.

Kuya Chad, a then student, also answered the question with this very beautiful line. So why do people get hurt? Because they want to get hurt. Pain has its own kind of beauty.

I received different answers but… why do people get hurt?

Years after and here I am still looking for answers. When you think about it Kuya Marcelo is right, without risk there wouldn’t be pains, struggles, and even suffering. We risk because we want to be someone or have something. We risk even though we know that we might fail and get hurt in the process. We risk because it is the only thing to do to progress and to be a better version of ourselves.

We can connect Kuya Chad’s answer too. When we risk we know that we can get ourselves hurt. But we risk it anyway. Pain, indeed, has its own kind of beauty. It makes us stronger and wiser. Because of pain we know how to handle life better, pain coated us with glistening strength that beautifies us.

If you’ll ask me my answer to my own question my answer will be this.

I think people get hurt because we need it and we let it happen because pain is inevitable.

When you decided to achieve something you have to do things to reach that goal no matter what happens. And if you fail, when that time comes, the pain will be there to make you feel and see the things that can make you be better so that the next time you try you’ll be able to soar higher than before.

When you feel pain because of love it only means that you love freely and whole and there’s nothing wrong with that. Pain coexists with love and sometimes it doesn’t mean that the love you have is wrong just because it hurts. The pain is there because you gave too much than necessary. There’s no problem with giving it all in love, the problem begins when you give too much to the point that there’s no more left for you. When you give too much love that you can no longer love yourself, that’s the time you need to think if the person is still worth the pain. Love hurts but it doesn’t need to hurt too much and leave you bleeding to death.

When you feel pain when you lose someone, it’ll be inevitable and no words can cajole you.

To sum it all, pain is part of living and growing. When you tried cooking the first time you definitely got some burns and they surely hurt, but those pain were there because you tried something and you learn from it. When you get jealous because you think your parents favor your sibling more, it only shows that you love them too much and that knowing they didn’t love you the same way that you do just hurts. But just because you feel unloved doesn’t mean you are unloved.

Again, pain is inevitable and later on you’ll realize that it is the thing that will make you into something more than who you are right now. Pain is inevitable but it also coexists with strength and learnings.

So keep on loving, keep on hurting, but most of all keep on learning.