At twenty-something

At twenty-something, I did what I thought best was needed to do, with the information, capacity, skills, and privilege I had.

In my early 20s, I had this personal race because of that 'At twenty-something, I got my own this or that' trending posts online. Those online contents became a challenge that pushed me to create and reach my short-term goals, and in a way, it was a good thing.

I'm not gonna lie, at some point, I was so excited to reach certain milestones that I can add up under my belt.

Some milestones were mainly material acquisitions. Those are the things my younger twenty-something self had as her short-term goals. Those are the things that I was meaning to list down and make content with to share online hoping that it could inspire other people the way those online posts did to me.

I was gonna do it for the right reason and I put my mind and heart into reaching those goals with a certain age as my end goal.

But after sometime, I decided not to push through in that direction. Aside from the fact that I eventually rushed myself to reach certain milestones, I was slowly beating myself up.

To be fair, there's nothing wrong with posting those kinds of posts, it's just that the society that we're in and the pressure a lot of people are getting makes it unhealthy for some. 

Those 'At twenty-something' posts online started to make me feel anxious to the point that I started comparing myself and looking for ways to speed up the process. Seeing those kinds of posts started to weigh heavy on my chest. Somewhere along the way, the kind of posts that motivated me made me feel mediocre.

It wasn't doing good to me anymore. And then I realized that it might be worse for other people.

I am writing with the knowledge that I am privileged and that even though the cards that I have been dealt won't advance me to multiple stages toward my goals, I know that I am far more favored than others. 

Some might not even have cards to deal with, to begin with.

So instead of 'at twenty-something, I got this' posts I want to change the narratives and say;

At twenty-something, I did what I thought best was needed to do with the information I had, with the capacity and skills I acquired, and with the help and privileged I was given.

I know that despite all my hard work, I wouldn't be where I am right now without the help of the people around me. I acknowledge that I am far more privileged than other people and I want to celebrate my wins without unintentionally shoving them into someone else's throat and hurting them in the process. I want to celebrate myself without unintentionally making other people anxious.

So this is me acknowledging other people's struggles and successes, mine included. Here are some of my 'at twenty-something' musings. This is me taking back the power from those posts that made me feel mediocre...

At twenty-something, I know better. Thank God, I know better. But I also know that I could still be better.

At twenty-something, I had to say one of the saddest (if not the saddest) goodbyes in my life. Maybe one day I'll be able to talk about it more freely with the same love but with less pain. Hopefully.

At twenty-something, I was strong enough to have lived through the ups and downs of my life.

At twenty-something, I'm still figuring the eff out of my life. And again, that's okay.

At twenty-something, I realized that I had to forgive myself for not knowing better. For not getting all the things right, for second-guessing, and for just being scared.

At twenty-something, I learn that adulting sucks. But shut it up real good, we have nowhere to go. Deal with it.

At twenty-something, we will all lose, one way or another. Sometimes someone loses someone. And nobody deserves that kind of pain and void, but I hope you get your peace.

At twenty-something, we have to experience life on our terms. You don't have to adult that hard, live on your terms. Adult responsibly.

I could go on and on, but isn't it better if you discover your own 'at twenty-something musing? List them down, post them, print them out, or whatever. You do you.

Again, at the end of the day, we're all bunches of twenty-something wadding through life. Some with vests, some barely holding on, some wading through the waves just fine, and some just going with the flow. Whatever you do, whatever realization you discover. Just be kind.

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