People who are close to me know how hard 2022 has been for me, spoiler alert it hasn't been good at all. Frequent struggles since the very beginning of the year- from contracting COVID-19 in the very first month of the year to losing my Lola last July after multiple hospitalizations- and I know that there are a lot more to come.
I'll say this again, I don't have life figured out. But there are things that I am learning and I'm trying to live by to reach a level of life that is healthy for my whole being.
Looking back, here are the things that I learn and try to live by.
Saying NO to people.
One of my struggles is saying 'no' to people which always ends up with me often being taken advantage of. Some people have taken advantage of me being a people pleaser and being a queen in shining armor. There are instances that I felt used because I was made to feel like I was only good when I can be of help to other people.
Another reason why it's hard to say 'no' to people/experiences is FOMO. I have a hard time overcoming it, but there will always come a time when we have to say NO and prioritize something- or even someone.
I realized that some things in life are worth letting go of before it gets too late- before far more important things or person slip from your grasp.
Not saying 'it's okay' if it's not really okay.
Something I learned the hard way is not conforming and saying 'it's okay' when it's not okay at all. Be responsible for someone else's emotions without sacrificing your own. The line is very thin but you don't have to sacrifice your own emotions just to nurse someone else's. Someone did you wrong and reach out? Don't say it's okay if it's not okay. Don't say it if you do not mean it.
People commonly respond in situations like that with a knee-jerk reaction- it's okay- without really meaning it. If someone did you dirty and ask for forgiveness, it's not your responsibility to make them feel better by accepting their apology or making them feel less bad. Acknowledge their apology, but you can always pause and not forgive instantly.
You do not owe them your forgiveness, rather you owe yourself your peace.
Saying sorry and admitting your mistakes.
As Gen Z, we're raised by boomers and Millenials. And if there are some common traits each boomer and some older Millenials have in common, it's hard for them to say sorry. And adding the not-so-healthy Filipino traits of just letting the issue resolved on its own without talking it through just adds up to our problematic upbringing.
Growing up, we were taught to be grateful and give thanks to everyone. Children were taught to say thanks when given something but when it comes to an apology, we're silent. Apology forgotten.
I guess for Filipinos, a factor is that we never hear our parents say sorry. Our mistakes were retaliated with tough love and before we can think of saying sorry we're already wailing because of our fear of our punishments.
Sometimes it's hard to own up to our mistakes despite knowing the fact that we were wrong because all that you have left is your ego and pride.
People will fight for their beliefs despite the facts laid in front of them when all they have left was pride and ego. Lowering your pride feels like defeat, and no one likes losing.
Prioritizing your peace responsibly.
You are entitled to your own peace. It's just that there is a thin line between protecting your peace and being privileged.
There was a point in time when a lot of things are happening that I felt so detached from other issues around me. Then I realized that internal peace can only be fully achieved if the external factors were dealt with. There are fights that you gotta fight not just for yourself but for the sake of other minorities.
Learn to segment things and choose your battles. There are fights you must step away from, battles worth fighting, and there are wars that must be won.
Taking chances.
There is a line that has kept me going and made me do things outside my comfort zone and that is 'It's better to have 'oh wells' than 'what ifs'.
For the longest time, that line has kept me going and brought me to situations and positions that are worth every risk that I took.
This year, I was taught that you just got to put your bet and take your chances. Decide if you really want it and just go for it despite all the negative 'what ifs' in your mind. Remember that at the end of the day, you only regret the things that you didn't take. So just wing it.
There will be hindrances but if you really want it, you'll find a way to get through it.
So when the time comes that you have to lay down on your deathbed, you can say that you've given your all and you've lived.
Re-learning vulnerability as an instrument of strength.
People perceive vulnerability as a weakness. We were raised to believe that if you cry, you are weak and it is considered a defeat. But those who are willing to be vulnerable are stronger.
I'll quote Pope Francis when he visited in 2015 "Today's world has a great lack of capacity of knowing how to cry... Certain realities in life we only see through eyes that are cleansed with our tears."
Being vulnerable is difficult, but it is only when we know how to show pain and suffering can we find peace and strength.
Calling out your own mistakes.
One of the things I fear the most is that there might be a time when I might be too proud to own up to my mistakes. That my ego might be much bigger than my ability to say sorry to those who I might have hurt deeply in the future.
But despite it being hard, I know I have to move past the fear and do it.
Learn to own up to your mistakes the way you take credit for the things that you achieved. Be responsible.
Swifties are right, 2022 is 2020 too. This year threw battles my way and sadly not all of them can be won despite giving my all. Some battles weren't even mine to fight to begin with. One thing is for sure, I don't have anywhere to go but forward.
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