Dear people of the world, it’s okay to not have life figured out.

When I was on my primary and growing up years people often ask what I wanted to be. Mama and Papa says I used to say I wanted to be a pilot (or is it a Flight Attendant?) but stop saying it aloud after I saw the 9/11 attack footage on TV (I still remember seeing the plane hit the tower on TV but I can’t recall about wanting to be a pilot/FA nor the abrupt diminish of my dream to be on the aviation field).

Back then I already know that I don’t know what I wanted to be and so it’s kinda hard because our teachers will asks us to make and write theme papers and essays about our dreams. But I have my go-to answer, and that’s to be a teacher. Why? Because, number one, my mother is a teacher so they’ll think it’s genetically inclined, and number two, the profession is honorable so no need to further elaborate my answer.

Honestly, I don’t want to be a teacher. It’s not that the job is not good or something, it’s just that seeing Mama everyday wakes up early in the morning to finish the paper works she wasn’t able to finished the night before makes me so tired. Yep, I got tired just by seeing her do it repeatedly so I said ‘I’m out’. I don’t want to be a teacher. I’m not that committed to be one. (But again, I’m not closing any doors permanently)

When I reach High School I got into books, big time. I can stay up to 3 hrs inside a bookstore just browsing through the titles and when I read, I really read without distraction. I remember reading the Beautiful Darkness in just a day where the only pause I get was when I eat (because I will be scolded if I bring my book on the table) or when… well, I can’t think of another one.

During high school my fondness for book influenced me to aspire as an author. And as a human being without concrete path I decided to choose AB Communication as my program in college.

Did I regret it? No, I don’t.

Even if I am still not an author, choosing AB Communication has been one of my greatest and proudest choices I’ve ever made in my life. Now, I’m in a different field and people expects too much of me and my life’s next adventures.

Contrary to what other thinks, I actually don’t have my life figured out and sometimes it’s frustrating but I try to keep my cool. It’s frustrating because the society makes you feel like you are a piece of crap for not being like others. You should be like this and that lines thrown at you verbal or non-verbally can be too much to bear and makes you doubt yourself.

People tend to be pessimist and think that they are stuck in a life where dreams are dead and magical unicorns are for crazy people who has an easy and figured out life.

I don’t believe in unicorns but when you have the chance to make life more beautiful, even if it’s not real, you grab it.

There’s too much ugliness in this world and it wouldn’t kill you to hold on to something that makes life more bearable.

You don’t have to have a 10-year plan laid out for your future. You don’t have to have a step-by-step plan; it’s just a matter of dreams and achieving your goals.

I don’t have life figured out but someday I hope that I’ll understand all of it. And that my purpose will satisfy my means and suffering.

So to everyone who doesn’t have their life figured out yet, whether you’re girl or boy, I am with you.

Cheers.