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| Dear Vita, 2021 |
Dear Vita, I learn that the best way to deal life is to respect your emotions and act upon it by answering the question ‘but what should I do next?’
For the past years, I struggle finding my own path because I have goals and it got the best of me which made me feel and doubt my capability as a person because I wasn’t getting to where I wanted to be to a point that I fear and opted not to open my birthday letters from my 18-year old self because I knew the context of those letters and I knew that I wasn’t able to fulfill my younger self’s goals.
I think the hardest part is knowing that you’re capable, but failed to do so or even make a progress. It’s like knowing that you once finished a book within 24 hours but can’t finish one chapter in a week these days. I think one pressing factor is the fact that I didn’t allow myself to fail, but I did anyway. I was so afraid of failing that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t growing. Or maybe I knew that there was no growth, but I didn’t know how to get out of it.
But did I regret those times? Honestly no. I wish I knew better, but I know that it’s all in the past and I cannot do anything about it anymore. What I have power over is my present life.
Looking back, I can’t say that I hated myself for all the wrong things that happened to me. I doubted myself and most of the time asked the question ‘what happened to me?’ whenever things are out of hand. I may have sounded like a hypocrite saying I didn’t regret or hated myself during those times but I really didn’t.
I hated life and the choices that I’ve been dealt with. I hated myself for not knowing how to move and play the cards that I’ve been dealt with when most of the people around me are getting by with their lives. I hated myself not solely because I hated myself, I hated the fact that I knew I was capable but wasn’t able to. I felt like I’ve been cheated on because I don’t know the rules.
I hated that I had to play a game I didn’t know how to play. It’s like playing chess for the first time but not knowing the rules and movement of your pieces, you just know the end goal is to score and not to get checkmate by your opponent- in my case the end goal was not to fail.
Right now, if life keeps on fudging you up, take a deep breath and respect your emotions. If you are mad, be mad. If you are sad, be sad. If you hate or blame someone, allow yourself to feel it. And after that, you rise above it.
You rise above it by acknowledging that something wrong happened, and then see if you are at fault or if the emotion justifies the cause. And finally ask yourself the question…
But what should I do next? What now?
Look back and see what caused that situation you’re in and think logically for the next step that you have to take. I always say that emotions are valid and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad about feeling it, and I still live by that principle.
It’s easier said than done but if you can practice making decisions without the surge of emotion running through you, you’ll get better. Making yourself feel and ride those emotions are good, but after that you have to remind yourself that you have to make a decision on how to react. Practice and know when to express your emotions and when to keep your decisions emotion-free.
Life is about choices and when you choose to respect your emotions and acknowledge the wrong things that happened to your life, making logical and clearer decisions will be easier.
Don’t get me wrong, I still haven’t mastered this and I don’t think anyone can perfect this but it is worth noting that good decisions reap good outcomes.
As much as possible I stop myself from asking ‘what happened to you?’ when bad situations occur. Now, I try to remind myself to always look for the solution rather than question my capability as a person.
Feeling stuck? Don’t ask what happened to yourself, rather see what caused the problem and how you’re going to move past it.
The answer as to what will happen next shouldn’t even be a grand step, do some baby steps that will help you achieve a bigger goal.
If you still don’t know where to start, just do something productive a day. It doesn’t matter how small or big that thing is, you just have to move and do something.
Okay, so you’re done reading this. What should you do next?