Archive for 2020

Getting insurance was the best decision that I made this year.

A few years back my Ate Zhairra and I were really into investments that we’ve joined different forums and read about the basics of investment online. Of course, we’re just curious and researching at that time since we don’t have the money to do the real thing. Eventually, we’ve come across this group about UITF and the thing that boggles me then was that a lot of people keep on telling newbies that after setting aside an emergency fund it’s best to invest in life insurance before investing in the stock market.

When I think about the stock market it is always about the bonds, units, big companies, etc. It’s always about the growth of the money. I already understand that there are risks and that the risk level of a person is based on their investing appetite. In short, I was thinking that no matter what kind of an investor you are, your money will grow eventually.

But life insurance before investing? Of course, my teen self can’t grasp the idea that the members of the group were saying because I was focused with the need to make my money grow and although I still don’t have the money at that time I was trying to learn the ins and out.

My thinking was, I have to grow my money first before I buy additional protection because the profit that I’ll be getting from my investment will be used to finance my other leisure expenses and insurance belongs in that category before.

THE TIME I DECIDED TO GET AN INSURANCE

Well it started last year, 2019. I’ll be lying if I told you that I was the one who took the initiative because I didn’t plan to get insurance yet in 2019. A colleague approached me and one of my co-workers and asked us if we already have an insurance policy. I can still remember it vividly, Kuya Jet, whom I know from college because of student politics, created a proposal for us and he discussed it. Back then I was half-heartedly into it, sorry Kuya Jet but it was actually a fact haha.

I was notorious when it comes to money and some part of me was saying it’s a waste of money and that Kuya Jet was only in it for the commission (sorry again Kuya Jet but it was my old thinking naman and it’s already proven that you were really looking out for me). Also, another factor was that I was healthy and I had savings at that time. I mean, I don’t splurge on stuff and I have an emergency fund so I thought life was good, I’ll just have a business in the near future.

Yes, I rejected Kuya Jet’s policy proposal. One of the rejections that he got while being a Financial Planner was from my 2019 self, but I took the initiative this 2020 and messaged him and I feel that it’s not just him who won, I was also a winner in this one.

WHY I DECIDED TO GET AN INSURANCE

As I’ve said earlier, one of the reasons why I opted not to get an insurance policy are the facts that I know that I am healthy, I have a secured job that pays the bill, and also because I have an emergency fund.

Well, my thinking shifted when our Lola got hospitalized just last year (and our mother the previous year) which I shared vaguely in a post, vaguely because it’s so hard to talk about it.

Before Lola’s hospitalization, she was strong as a carabao, that’s why we weren’t prepared to see her so weak. Also, in terms of money my sisters and I were fortunate enough to be employed at that time that’s why we were able to pay her bills without having the need to get a loan, also Mama’s Philhealth benefit helps a lot.

Those events were eye-opening for me. I started viewing life differently. I saw how important an emergency fund is, but I also realized that it’s not enough.

Imagine, you save for it for months and then you’ll just spend it for a week’s worth of hospitalization, and the aftercare expenses weren't even part of the computation.

I consider myself an independent woman and I have views that aren’t traditional, some are even cultural norms cardholder breaker. I decided that I want to be prepared. I don’t want to be sick and hospitalized and stress out because I was thinking of my bills, which happened to Lola. She was sick and yet wanting to go home because she was thinking about her bills.

I guess that’s how Filipino family was stereotyped. And although, if, in the future, my parents were to undergo the same circumstances I, together with my sisters will still be there no matter what we’re family.

It’s just that for me, since I have the chance and the means to prepare for my future I decided and gladly took the initiative and do the necessary thing because in the end it’s not just my family who will benefit but also me.

HOW DO I CHOOSE THE BEST INSURANCE FOR ME?

This is how I knew Kuya Jet was really looking out for me.

When I approached him I was still clueless about how insurance works. I browsed Sun Life’s website and it’s information overload for me.

In my message I told him that it’s time and that I’m 100% all-in. So I asked him for an updated proposal and he gladly sent me, the first of many versions that I asked for.

He asked me what I was preparing for and I told him that it’s for early retirement and savings, hence he gave me the proposal for Sun Life Maxilink Prime.

Sun Life Maxilink Prime is a 10 year limited pay insurance policy which covers you up until the age of 88 and has an investment component.

We discussed it over the phone and at first, I wasn’t stoked about it. I was actually looking for protection for critical illness and hospitalization. I told him to hook me up with a policy with that but with an investment component as well. Since I was notorious about spending my money I did my research and found out different kinds of riders online so I told him to put this and that.

But he stopped me. In all fairness, he did not shove his opinion but rather he made me realize that there are other better options if specific protection is what I wanted.

Of course, he did an updated proposal for Maxilink Prime with an additional critical illness rider that I wanted but he also introduced me to another product which is Sun Fit and Well Advantage.

Sun Fit and Well Advantage is a traditional life insurance product that covers 114 critical illnesses up to the age of 100 and is payable for 10 years only.

Seriously, Kuya Jet could have just set a certain product according to what I was asking for because I was determined to get an insurance policy no matter what but he really went beyond by popping out ideas to quench my queries, I had so many questions because I wanted to learn and share these learnings with other people as well. I actually forgot how many times he explain all the revisions that he did for me.

Did I regret not taking his proposal last 2019? At first, I regretted it because my premium changed from last year’s proposal because I aged but I was still happy now because I know better.

THINGS/TIPS TO KNOW BEFORE GETTING AN INSURANCE

I think the most important thing is to not think of insurance as an additional expense but rather a kind of savings.
Life insurance is not just for the rich. If you have insurance it doesn’t mean you have to be rich, because there are a lot of products that can cater to your needs.
Find a good financial advisor because you will be communicating with her/him for the rest of your lives. (Shameless plugging, Kuya Jet got me on his team to be an advisor so go send me queries and I’ll gladly answer them.)
Always share your worries and status with your advisor, don’t be scared to share your opinions so that we can serve you well and better.
Getting an insurance policy is scary, but not having one is more scary. Having one makes you at ease, trust me.
If you are a breadwinner of your family, it’s high time you think of getting one to safeguard not just yourself but your whole family.
If you are single and healthy, you still need to think about getting an insurance policy because you will never be that healthy for too long. And that’s a fact.

Here's how I start my zero-waste journey in the Philippines

We don’t need hundreds of people perfecting zero-waste, we need millions imperfectly doing zero-waste. Here is how to start your zero-waste journey!

I STARTED WITHOUT ACTUALLY KNOWING I STARTED

When I started doing zero-waste, I wasn’t even aware that I am actually doing it. At first, I was just all against plastic straw and didn't find it necessary on fast-food chains that we frequent a lot when I was still in college.

I admit I was one of those people who buys ‘palamig’ in college because it quenches my thirst and it’s very affordable, hence the usage of straws.

When I was starting to really get conscious of my own plastic usage, I had to consciously stop myself from buying or even use plastic alternatives like plastic cups or bottle water whom I called ‘lesser evils’.

‘But why? It’s still plastic, right?’

A few will argue with me on this but here’s my thinking process.

Our youngest sister asked me about it one time I’m with her and she’s about to buy some ‘palamig’. I told her to just ask for cups over plastic bags whenever she buys ‘palamiig’. She can’t understand my logic since they’re both plastics anyway.

Well, my logic is that while both of them are plastics the only advantage of plastic cups is that some people can get money from it. Some scavenge for plastic cups and sell them, hence income generation for them and cleaner cities.Also, plastic bags is the top contributing cause of flooding due to drainage blocking in the urban areas.

Again, choose plastic cups if you can’t help buying ‘palamig’ because they generate income for the less fortunate and it can also be recycled- that’s the reason why I call plastic cups lesser evil.

I know people will say, ‘why choose lesser evil when you can just do good and just stop using plastic?’

Well, that’s easier said than done.

Of course, I hope we all do good, I hope we are conscious enough of our environment and use all the resources given to us without giving more damage but let’s be real, we can’t all be good environment-friendly abiding citizens.

It’s hard especially when plastics give ease to our everyday living.

Maybe one day, we’ll all be. But for now, we’ll take baby steps rather than no steps at all.

IT’S HARD TO REBEL AGAINST THE ABSURD

I never said going zero-waste is easy, it’s not.

Well, it actually is but not really. It’s easy because you just have to refuse using plastics but it’s actually hard in the sense that the alternatives are not accessible and the fact that you have to continue getting stared at by other people, mostly elders, are just so hard to take- at least at first.

Personally, my second step and probably the biggest achievement I have in terms of living zero-waste is carrying my own bag whenever I buy stuff.

I just want to share my experiences when I started using my own bag. So, I actually started this after college when I was already working.

I realized that a lot of plastic bags are being used by a lot of people including me. I shop monthly for my Lola’s stocks such as food, milk, biscuits, and toiletries because I am her designated butler now that she’s too old to shop by herself. Every grocery shopping I used about 2-3 large plastic bags and some smaller ones to separate the food items from the toiletries.

The first time I carried my own bag, I was really really shy. I remember really looking out for a cashier lane with no other shoppers so I can bring out my eco bag and use it.

The act was easy but it wasn’t easy in the sense that you are rebelling against the absurd and that you know that a lot of people are talking about you. With their company or in their heads.

And what’s the most funny thing is, supermarkets are promoting the use of reusable bags by marketing their own eco-bags and yet here I am so anxious about how to tell the bagger that I’ll use my own bag.

I remember paying 30 pesos for an eco-bag only to find out that it has a logo of a brand on one side and the supermarket logo on the other. I don’t know, it’s just so off for me. As someone who knows the basics of marketing and advertising, I know for sure that that brand paid the supermarket some amount for their product and logo printed on the reusable bags, and the fact that I paid for an advertisement doesn’t sit well on me.

I don’t know, maybe they partnered with that brand for its advertisement so they can sell the eco-bag for a much cheaper price? Still, I was mortified and disappointed.

That’s what we called greenwashing.

Another instance that made my blood boil is when I visited Mr. DIY on a Sunday. At first, I was feeling it because I saw a poster in the entrance telling their consumers that ‘as their way to show support’ for the environment, they encourage people to bring their own bags because they won’t be giving off paper bags every Sunday.

So I went inside, and happily browsed through thinking “Finally, a shop that can understand me” and then after some time I noticed people exiting the store with paper bags!

I was so confused because the poster is huge enough for the people to see because it is placed at the entrance! So why are there people exiting the store with paper bags with them?

So I observe, and I found out that although they ‘support environmental causes’ with their poster and all, they are actually letting their customers BUY PAPER BAGS FROM THEM. They are greenwashing people and profiting from it!

They are not advocating for our environment, they are making people pay! It’s like offsetting but not really.

Although that incident in Mr. DIY happened years after I was confident to use my own bag, I just have to say that those things are some of my reasons why I push myself to be visible and parade with reusable bags with me every single chance I can get.

I was shy and then I fought it so people could see and be encouraged. I was hoping someone who wants to transition but is shy finally finds the courage and braveness if they see someone already doing it. It’s leading by example without me spurting out words to make them understand my beliefs.

The stares I dread the most at first that made me look for a cashier lane with fewer people were not bothering me anymore, if anything I actually welcome those stares. Their stares are now most welcome so they can see and be encouraged to do the same.

NORMALCY AND EFFECT

I’m not an influencer with thousands of reach, I don’t even label myself as an influencer but I am happy that some people realized and acknowledged the things that I do.

Using eco-bags has been a normal and vital part of my shopping routine. Actually, it’s one of the decision-making factors that I have to take into consideration.

I am at a point where I postpone my shopping when I forgot to bring an eco-bag or if I can’t fit my buys inside the bag that I am using that time, that’s why I always use tote and bag packs nowadays.

Using eco-bags became a normal thing for me that some members of the fam slowly noticed it and even doing it a little bit.

When they are with me, they know the drill. I will be the one stacking up the grocery items inside my own reusable bags that I carry. Also, I have with me at least one eco bag on a normal day and 3-5 reusable bags when doing the food shopping.

I’m at a point in my life where I don’t care if those reusable bags don't complement my clothes, or if it’s a free reusable bag from a food company, or whether those reusable bags are worn out already.

It’s still a functioning reusable bag so I’ll dig and slay with it.

And reusable and eco bags are the new sexy, don’t argue with me about that.

Have you tried using your own reusable bag while shopping? Tell me about it below.

Minimalist Blogger Teresa Gueco as financial planner, buying decisions, etc.

So we meet again.

If you’ve been following me for years, hi to the few old ones, you know that I have this series from my previous blog entitled “Life in a bullet’ wherein I write statuses, comments, and updates about my life in a bullet form and it’s been a while since I last did that, it’s actually almost a year ago when I did my last life in a bullet post.

A lot happened in a short period and when I mean a lot, it is a lot. So to further this post, may I present to you my thoughts and updates in bullet form.

I talked about this on my previous post and tweeted this- I kinda predicted being quarantine for the most of 2020 when I welcomed the year being sick and isolated because I had chickenpox. You know how the elder says that the way you start your year will define how your whole year will be, so I guess it’s partly true for me.

Lol. I got chicken pox early this year so bago pa man mag-quarantine and mag-isolate mga tao nauna na ako, bida-bida kaseeee.

Maybe it's a sign na I'll be in quarantine for the most part of 2020. 🙄😩

And yes, ang arte ko. May pa-self timer photo pa. HAHAHAHA https://t.co/WwgcAsIk6R pic.twitter.com/AQvBH7Seqc
— Teresa Gueco (@thetgueco) September 1, 2020

I created a separate IG handle for my blog and it’s under the handle shesaidgoforit. I created it because I want to post freely. I want to be invincible and do the things I want to do, hence the decision to neither plug nor promote it on my social media accounts. I didn’t follow my friends as well because I don’t like to make them feel like they are required to follow the account back. I just want a space purely for the blog. I want to post without judgment. That’s why I was shocked when Maureen, a friend of mine who is currently studying overseas, discovered it. Well, it’s not that she doesn’t know any of my deepest darkest fears so it’s okay.

A lot of good people passed away. From international celebs like Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, and Chadwick Boseman, to local artists like vloggers Emman Nimedez and Lloyd Cafe Cadena. It was devastating. Kween LC’s passing hits different to me because I’ve been a fan since 2011, I was able to meet him once in a book signing years ago and kept a crumpled ball of tissue that he throws at us as a joke. He’s a good human being and I admire him more for that. He’s been vlogging since 2010 but never did he show extravagance, he just keeps on giving. Other known vloggers already have their own houses after a few years of vlogging but he stayed in their simple neighborhood and continuously do charitable works and donation drives. He’s a pure heart.

I finally availed a life insurance! This is a win for me because I’ve been meaning to get one last year but I’m still not ready so this little win is a victory. But let’s stop the notion that people who have life insurance are rich, please I’m not rich. I just want to prepare my future and my family. So that in the event of unfortunate events that might happen to me, I’m confident to know that I can face it.

And after a month of having a policy, I was now a Financial Advisor! My family knows how ‘kuripot’ and ‘wais’ I am when it comes to money so the news is not a shocker for them. They are fully aware of my obsession with saving even though I get easily sidetracked by food. I decided to be a Financial Advisor not just to have a side gig but also because I want people to realize the importance of savings and investments. I want them to invest in their future to have a brighter future.

This one is not an update but more of an accountability clause so that I’ll have the push to pull it off. So yeah, I want to establish a business and I want an eco-friendly one so I’m thinking zero-waste items such as shampoo bars, soaps, and bamboo toothbrush, and some other zero-waste switch like washable sanitary napkins. So let’s put this here and see, please support me.

So another thing which is in between an update and accountability clause is that I want to invest in an iPad. So last year I told myself that I’ll switch to a MacBook laptop but pandemic happened and my savings were used and I decided to postpone it since the economy is still not good. Lately, I thought about getting an iPad instead of switching to a MacBook laptop. My thinking process involve with the fact that I still have a working laptop with a decent spec and the only problem is the housing because it’s crispy and has cracks already. I decided to just get an iPad since it’s very convenient when it comes to portability and power. I ask people around like Ate Bee who recently bought one and she told me that it’s convenient and can be used in freelancing. I am torn with iPad 7th gen or iPad Mini because a friend of mine pointed out how powerful the mini is- the only disadvantage is the screen size and it’s much more expensive. Thankfully, a friend told me that Apple will release a new iPad this year, and leaks of it have been told that the launch will be this September. Based on the videos and articles that I binge-read to know more about its feature, it’s really good and they said that the chip has been updated. So yeah, I’ll wait for the launch and see what upgrades Apple did to the budget iPad, and then I’ll decide, wow I talk as if I have money under my sheet. Hahaha

Some might think that self-care here in the Philippines is hard with all the things that are happening but there are ways.

Pre-COVID times, my usual de-stress routine is working in a cafe shop every weekend. I usually try to manage some blogging and freelancing duties during those times.

Some people think that it’s stressful. But somehow, going out on a weekend became a self-care routine for me despite the fact that I have some responsibilities and tasks that I need to do. What other people don’t know is that being a govt employee can really mess up your social life so a diversion of any kind is very welcoming.

The usual working hours shift of a government employee is 8AM-5PM but sometimes we get out of work around past 7PM or even later than that especially when there are things that need to expedite. Also, let’s not forget how we sometimes need to take some work at home for the weekends.

For some, going out on a weekend is a bit impractical but it was refreshing for me. It’s helpful in a way because I can relax over some good food and music (I dig Urban Brew’s playlist) while doing the things that I am passionate about, which is writing.

Saturday became a self-care day, and when I need to go to the office on a Saturday I still go out on Sunday just to take a break.

Now with the pandemic, my schedule went out of hands. Yes, there are days that we are allowed to work from home and that gave us more time for ourselves since our travel time lessened. But there are negative sides of work-from-home setup and even experts warned us about it.

The problem with the work-from-home setup is that there is no boundary. Sure there required time in and out apps that some companies use online to track their work hours but for some people it’s hard to separate themselves from work and household duties.

PANDEMIC AND THE NEW NORMAL

For the first few months in quarantine, I had trouble. At first, I thought ‘yey, more time for myself’ but I was wrong. My sleeping schedule went crazy that I often find myself sleeping for just a few hours before I have to wake up for the next day.

My inner consciousness thought that it’s okay to stay up all night since I don’t have to prepare and travel for work. If I’m being honest, I was actually having the time of my life and I was productive BUT tired.

I was able to do work and finish my content calendar of this site up until September 2020. I was able to conduct interviews for various artists like Johnny Orlando, Declan J Donovan, Gavin Haley, and many more for a music blog The Daily Mix Mag.

But I got exhausted.

I found myself figuratively floating and resting for a week straight. I mean, I stop writing and doing the things that I usually do to relax me.

MY NEW NORMAL SELF-CARE ROUTINE

When started to be unproductive, I didn’t understand what’s happening or why I am feeling bad about myself. I found myself always decluttering and moving things inside my room because decluttering makes me calm.

But it’s not enough. There’s a point where I can no longer purge anything because I don’t have anything left.

So I turn to reading novels online.

So yes, I read to make myself occupied but after a few days, I felt unproductive because after work I usually return back to reading and then I wouldn’t stop until it’s time for me to sleep.

To be honest, I’ve discovered a lot of self-care routines throughout this pandemic. And that’s the thing, sometimes you find a routine and stick to it and sometimes it will fade and you’ll crave for more.

Your self-care routine should not be about what’s working for other people because remember that what works for them might not work for you and what works for you might not work for them.

Self-care is a generic word but the routine should not be general and specific.

Now, the self-care routine that works for me that I think will not fade its effect is my self-care Sunday.

Every Sunday, I allow myself to be super lazy and pamper my physical body. Bathing every Sunday suddenly became something that I’m really excited about especially with my speakers on while blasting some cool beats and singing with my lung’s content.

I don’t have interest or likeness towards bathtubs but right now, I wish we have one.

Aside from tuning out of social media for the whole day every Sunday, I devote my day pampering myself, doing skincare, hair care, and other stuff while using my favorite products.

I don’t know when my excitement to self-care started, I just found myself more cheerful than usual when I’m about to do my self-care routine.

See? Self-care routine doesn’t require a lot of effort. Sometimes what’s comforting is a simple task.

BENEFITS OF HAVING A SELF-CARE

“You cannot pour from an empty glass.”

Filipinos are known to be resilient to a fault, but it’s time for us to end the way we romanticized our resiliency and stood our ground for a better life.

There will come a time where you will feel depleted and exhausted with all the things that are happening around you and it can break you.

There are a lot of things happening but self-care here in the Philippines or anywhere is very important not just for your physical body but also for your mental health. Aside from having a chance to rest your body, it can also lift your mood like what it does to me.

Self-care during a pandemic is a lifeline and can serve as your boundaries with work.

Some people’s self-care routine during a pandemic is about eating healthy and that can trigger your body to relax which improves your energy level and prevent stress.

For me, I’m at a point where I am very particular with my physical health, and in return, my emotional health is also strengthened and that is very important, the balance of physical and emotional health, and it’s the best way to value yourself.

That’s not the end of it.

If you are well, both physical and mental, then you can nurture other people. You can help them because your glass is filled and sharing it with other people is a nice way to give back and inspire people to value themselves as well.

This is part two of my personal health story, read the first patt I had a health scare during COVID-19 pandemic and somehow I got lost

Other people my age suffer from emotional heart problems while I have possible physical heart illness. I know I'm healthy, but why do I need a cardio doctor?

As someone who’s been healthy her whole life, it’s unacceptable. I was never hospitalized, never had any grave illness, and essentially healthy so what the heck happened to me?

Of course, I am scared. And I was angry and in denial.

I don’t smoke, I don’t overeat, I don’t exercise religiously but I don’t let myself get extremely unfit, and I don’t drink even though I get a lot of jabs because of that preference of mine.

I’ve been good so what the heck happened? I mean, this can’t be happening to me, right?

As Grey’s Anatomy student, I somehow know how the heart works. I’ve seen how Cristina exhales a relief one moment and rush to get a crash cart the next. I know that heart illness might differ per gender just like what Miranda Bailey said and it is a despicable enemy who can attack whenever it wants.

I know those are based on a TV series but it’s based on reality and reality has never been a perfect place, to begin with.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am scared and angry for a lot of reasons and those reasons are all valid.

For a few days, I was on denial but I also know that I should treat it seriously and so despite the fear I had I push myself to go and have it checked right away.

I DECIDED NOT TO PROLONG MY AGONY

Whenever there’s a thing that scares me, a thing that requires action, I always ask myself ‘why prolong the agony?’ and I instantly fake the courage to move on. I’m not saying it gives me the courage, it’s more like tricking my mind to see that by stalling it I actually hurt myself more.

With my decision to face it head-on, I had to endure the most difficult three days of my year due to my fear and nervousness.

Sunday was okay. I had a meeting and I had to meet my friends for an errand and it somehow became a quick and impromptu catching up session. It was good, I am productive and okay at that time, I was relaxed.

And although it was an impromptu catching up session for the squad, I opted not to tell them. My decision to not disclose it is not because I don’t trust them or that I’m closing myself off to them, it’s just about myself.

How can I tell them a thing that I can’t even accept and acknowledge? How can I have the courage to face them and share them the news when I can’t even face it and still can’t grasp the possibility that it is there?

Most of all, I cannot fake being okay while telling them what I am going through. I usually tell them everything, I am an open book but it’s not just about being lonely, it’s not about being dejected and feeling down, it’s me being coward and not wanting to face it.

My decision is selfish, I know, but that is me being selfish for myself. To be honest, I don’t care if they get mad at me or something, I just have to do it for myself, I have to deal it the way I was capable of dealing it that time.

And sometimes how people deal with things will never make sense to other people, and that’s life.

ACKNOWLEDGING IT

The night of Sunday came, and I was a mess. The severity of it all suddenly came rushing to me.

I was scared.

It was a scary night for me. And as I was talking to a friend overseas it dawns on me that there are still some underlying emotions aside from fear. I realized that I am stressed with the pandemic and I still got other humane issues towards other people and I just blurted all of it to that friend.

After my breakdown, I felt better and I realized that a breakdown is what I needed. I need it to feel better and to have an outlet for my overflowing thoughts and emotions.

I’m still scared but I got it under control.

On Monday, I have work and need to report to the office. It was my first day after the COVID scare we had in our home since I need clearance before I get back to work.

It went well, I was able to do my job and not overthink about my situation.

It came to a point that I planned to delay my checkup for a couple of days to not get in the way of my work schedule. I was thinking, it’s okay to postpone since I felt good in the sense that I didn’t feel any symptoms that I felt for the past few days.

And then the night comes, and it was bad. I see myself catching my breathing even at rest and I feel my heart beats like crazy. I was taking a med from the family doctor that I went to and I decided to look at it on the internet. Bad move.

It triggers me to get more anxious. I’ve read what it is all about and found pieces of information. I found myself focusing on the grave illnesses that my medication is treating such as heart attack, artery blockage, etc.

Early that night, I message friends and talk to them about stuff to let the time pass and it’s all good until the time that I needed to sleep.

That night I was scared to sleep that even though my eyes are super tired, I push myself to stay awake. I was scared of sleeping alone in my room as well that I don’t know what do to and how to take a rest.

Thankfully, around one in the morning, I was able to relax a bit (but not quite) and plug on my earphones and hit my Spotify playlist that finally lulled me to sleep.

PREPARING FOR THE OUTCOME

Like what I’ve said to a friend, I actually felt better after a breakdown and slowly went into a realization that I have no choice but to face it.

I have to face it no matter how unfair it is. That it doesn’t matter how healthy I am or how good I’ve been living my life, the possibility is there and who am I to be self-righteous when a lot of people, young ones, are born with diseases?

I suck it up and do what I have to do. I went to the cardio doctor, got consulted, and gave me a medication.

At first, it seems like he won’t require me a 2D Echo so I brought the topic up saying my physician who recommends him told me that I might need a 2D Echo so I just ask straight if I need it. He asks me if I want to do it since it’s kind of an expensive test to take, but and knowing me, I said yes because that’s the only thing that can make me calm and settle, I need facts and evidence that I am okay. At that point I know I can’t settle for just a consult no matter how good the doctor is because at the back of my mind I am a science person and I need facts and evidence because I felt something and I cannot ignore it when it is there.

Someone asks me, what’s my greatest worry about this whole situation and I realized it’s mainly about being scared that my life can be altered and that I am mad that I am experiencing it when I’ve been good with my body and as a person (if I may add haha). And then she asks, will there be a problem if the result comes with bad news and I realized that overall I am okay and secure at the moment despite the pandemic that is another turning point for myself.

I realized that despite my fear, I’m secure and I am grateful for it.

I think the whole process was like the stage of grief and at this point, I’ve come to accept it. I realized the only way is to go forward and be prepared.

I’m done with denial, anger, bargaining, and sadness. So this is it, acceptance. No matter what the result it, I have to be prepared and accept it.

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