I was reading a novel when I encounter a line wherein the hero asks ‘Why do people hurt each other?’ and then I remember a similar question that I keep on asking towards anyone back then and that memory made me write this now.

When I was younger, freshman or sophomore in college, I did this thing where I ask people a question just to satisfy my curiosity and be enlightened. Looking back I think my question has something to do with the books I read back then, If I stay, Where she went, Nicholas Sparks’, My Heart and Other Blackholes, and of course TFIOS. Tear-jerking stories, I know, and I love them.

What’s even funny is that I was bold enough to message some known people just to get their point-of-view and satisfy my curiosity. I ask them this. Why do people get hurt?

I’ve asked friends and I think there was a time where I wrote down their answers somewhere for some reasons that are now forgotten. I remember a friend quoted a line from the book The perks of being a Wallflower for her answer which says ‘Because we accept the the love we think we deserve’

Kuya Em, Marcelo Santos III, was also kind enough to answer this as a book dedication for his self-publish version of his book Para Sa Hopeless Romantic and he said that People get hurt dahil hindi sila natatakot mag-risk sa mga gusto nila.

Kuya Chad, a then student, also answered the question with this very beautiful line. So why do people get hurt? Because they want to get hurt. Pain has its own kind of beauty.

I received different answers but… why do people get hurt?

Years after and here I am still looking for answers. When you think about it Kuya Marcelo is right, without risk there wouldn’t be pains, struggles, and even suffering. We risk because we want to be someone or have something. We risk even though we know that we might fail and get hurt in the process. We risk because it is the only thing to do to progress and to be a better version of ourselves.

We can connect Kuya Chad’s answer too. When we risk we know that we can get ourselves hurt. But we risk it anyway. Pain, indeed, has its own kind of beauty. It makes us stronger and wiser. Because of pain we know how to handle life better, pain coated us with glistening strength that beautifies us.

If you’ll ask me my answer to my own question my answer will be this.

I think people get hurt because we need it and we let it happen because pain is inevitable.

When you decided to achieve something you have to do things to reach that goal no matter what happens. And if you fail, when that time comes, the pain will be there to make you feel and see the things that can make you be better so that the next time you try you’ll be able to soar higher than before.

When you feel pain because of love it only means that you love freely and whole and there’s nothing wrong with that. Pain coexists with love and sometimes it doesn’t mean that the love you have is wrong just because it hurts. The pain is there because you gave too much than necessary. There’s no problem with giving it all in love, the problem begins when you give too much to the point that there’s no more left for you. When you give too much love that you can no longer love yourself, that’s the time you need to think if the person is still worth the pain. Love hurts but it doesn’t need to hurt too much and leave you bleeding to death.

When you feel pain when you lose someone, it’ll be inevitable and no words can cajole you.

To sum it all, pain is part of living and growing. When you tried cooking the first time you definitely got some burns and they surely hurt, but those pain were there because you tried something and you learn from it. When you get jealous because you think your parents favor your sibling more, it only shows that you love them too much and that knowing they didn’t love you the same way that you do just hurts. But just because you feel unloved doesn’t mean you are unloved.

Again, pain is inevitable and later on you’ll realize that it is the thing that will make you into something more than who you are right now. Pain is inevitable but it also coexists with strength and learnings.

So keep on loving, keep on hurting, but most of all keep on learning.

If you’ve been reading my previous blog entries you’ll realize that most of my introductions start with ‘for the past few weeks/months’ and this post was supposed to start like that as well, but I managed.

Society taught us to reach our goals and to never stop dreaming. Personally I think there’s nothing wrong with that, I just find the fault with not being specific with the process. We were taught that reaching the goal takes up a lot of time, pressure, hard work, and sacrifices but they never let us know that taking a pause is necessary as well.

As I’ve said in my previous post, I try my best to create goals and not timeline and I think that’s how people should start. Give yourself a goal and then start from there, grow from there because you need to do it freestyle.

Coming from a fast-phase the environment I was coded to be a certain type of person. I have to be this, do that, and reach this.

The environment that I was in right now is different from what I’m used to. And when I felt the need to change and adapt I was so disappointed. I was disappointed because I was clueless, lost, and terrified.

I’ve always known what to do because I never ran out of plans but it was different. Pressure and society are the main factors why I can’t think straight.

I was forced to have a ‘pause’ and it felt foreign to me. Yes, I think the last two years of my life are a pause I was not planning to take but had it anyway.

You see, people around me keep on asking if I will take a Masters or even say that I should go to Law school. At first it was kinda bad for my being because I was forced to overthink. I was questioning my decisions and I had a hard time accepting the person that I’ve become because I don’t have the answer when they ask me what my plans are- are you going to Law School, aren’t you gonna take your Masters, how about prof ed?

Yes, for a time I was mad about my decisions because I see lots of my batch mates passing boards after boards, taking masters, and going to law school. I often ask myself ‘what happened to me?’ because I was not okay with the fact that I was missing out opportunities that I know I was capable of achieving.

Thankfully, I learn a lesson or two and that is we should acknowledge the fact that each of us has different timelines. I chose to be this kind of person and I had to be like this for a reason.

To be honest, the glamour of medals, law school, prof ed, and masters don’t excite me right now, I’m not saying it wouldn’t be exciting forever but right now it’s just a no for me. What I learn the hard way in the last two years is the fact that I should be careful in pursuing recognitions and achievements. If I want to have something I have to check why I am doing it and why I am pursuing it. People around me worry about the passing of time saying I should move and enroll now but, to be honest I am more worried that I might get into something and accumulate not just recognitions but the pressure that might weigh more than anything I could ever handle. Being left behind doesn’t bother me but doing something for the wrong reason is what I’m most worried about. I’m worried because the reason why I took it might not be enough to justify the rocks that will be thrown at me, the pain might not be worth it.

I am beyond glad that friends and other people pursue their masters because I know they can do it. I’ve known people who’ve been hiding under their shells and seeing that they are shedding their inhibitions and using their potential makes me happy for them.

I am having a pause and there’s nothing wrong with that. Having a pause doesn’t mean failure, it means pause. I still have plans and goals to achieve and this is not a failure. The last two years of my life were never a failure, it was a learning process that felt like forever but it is necessary for my being.

People, you are not a robot. It might be coded in your DNA to work fast but you need a pause as well and taking it doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human. It doesn’t necessarily mean rest or stagnancy, whatever depiction of the word pause for you is ‘your pause’.