I was reading a novel when I encounter a line wherein the hero asks ‘Why do people hurt each other?’ and then I remember a similar question that I keep on asking to anyone back then and that memory made me write this now.

When I was younger, freshman or sophomore in college, I did this thing where I ask people a question just to satisfy my curiosity and be enlighten. Looking back I think my question has something to do with the books I read back then, If I stay, Where she went, Nicholas Sparks’, My Heart and other Blackholes, and of course TFIOS. Tear-jerking stories, I know, and I love them.

What’s even funny is that I was bold enough to message some known people just to get their point-of-view and satisfy my curiosity. I ask them this. Why do people get hurt?

I’ve asked friends and I think there was a time where I wrote down their answers somewhere for some reasons that are now forgotten. I remember a friend quoted a line from the book The perks of being a Wallflower for her answer which says ‘Because we accept the love we think we deserve’

Kuya Em, Marcelo Santos III, was also kind enough to answer this as a book dedication for his self-publish book version of Para Sa Hopeless Romantic and he said that People get hurt dahil hindi sila natatakot mag-risk sa mga gusto nila.

Kuya Chad, then student, also answered the question with this very beautiful line. So why do people get hurt? Because they want to get hurt. Pain has its own kind of beauty.

I received different answers but… why do people get hurt?

Years after and here I am still looking for answers. When you think about it Kuya Marcelo is right, without risk there wouldn’t be pain, struggles, and even suffering. We risk because we want to be someone or have something. We risk even though we know that we might fail and get hurt in the process. We risk because it is the only thing to do in order to progress and to be a better version of ourselves.

We can connect Kuya Chad’s answer too. When we risk we know that we can get ourselves hurt. But we risk it anyway. Pain, indeed, has its own kind of beauty. It makes us stronger and wiser. Because of pain we know how to handle life better, pain coated us with glistening strength that beautifies us.

If you’ll ask me my answer to my own question my answer will be this.

I think people get hurt because we need it and we let it happen because pain is inevitable.

When you decided to achieve something you have to do things in order to reach that goal no matter what happens. And if you fail, when that time comes, pain will be there to make you feel and see the things that can make you be better so that the next time you try you’ll be able to soar higher than before.

When you feel pain because of love it only means that you love freely and whole and there’s nothing wrong with that. Pain coexist with love and sometimes it doesn’t mean that the love you have is wrong just because it hurts. It is there because you gave too much. There’s no problem with giving it all in love, the problem begins when you give too much to the point that there’s no more left for you. When you give too much love that you can no longer love yourself, that’s the time you need to think if the person is still worth the pain. Love hurts but it doesn’t need to hurt too much and leave you bleeding to death.

When you feel pain because you lose someone, it’ll be inevitable and no words can cajole you.

To sum it all, pain is part of living and growing. When you tried cooking the first time you definitely got burns and they surely hurt, but those pain were there because you tried something and you learn from it. When you get jealous because you think your parents favor your sibling more, it only shows that you love them too much and that knowing they didn’t love you the same way that you do just hurts. But just because you feel unloved doesn’t mean you are unloved.

Again, pain is inevitable and later on you’ll realize that it is the thing that will make you into something more than who you are right now. Pain is inevitable but it also coexist with strength and learnings.

So keep on loving, keep on hurting, but most of all keep on learning.

If you’ve been reading my previous blog entries you’ll realized that most of my introductions start with ‘for the past few weeks/months’ and this post was supposed to start like that as well, but I managed.

Society taught us to reach our goals and to never stop dreaming. Personally I think there’s nothing wrong with that, I just find the fault with not being specific with the process. We were taught that reaching the goal takes up a lot of time, pressure, hard work, and sacrifices but they never let us know that taking a pause is necessary as well.

As I’ve said in my previous post, I try my best to create goals and not timeline and I think that’s how people should start. Give yourself a goal and then start from there, grow from there because you need to do it freestyle.

Coming from a fast-phase environment I was coded to be a certain type of person. I have to be this, do that, and reach this.

The environment that I was in right now is different from what I’m used to. And when I felt the need to change and adapt I was so disappointed. I was disappointed because I was clueless, lost, and terrified.

I’ve always known what to do because I never ran out of plans but it was different. Pressure and society are the main factors why I can’t think straight.

I was forced to have a ‘pause’ and it felt foreign to me. Yes, I think the last two years of my life is a pause I was not planning to take but had it anyway.

You see, people around me keeps on asking if I will take Masters or even say that I should go to Law school. At first it was kinda bad for my being because I was forced to overthink. I was questioning my decisions and I had hard time accepting the person that I’ve become because I don’t have the answer when they ask me what my plans are- are you going to Law School, aren’t you gonna take your Masters, how about prof ed?

Yes, for a time I was mad about my decisions because I see lots of my batch mates passing boards after boards, taking masters, and going to law school. I often ask myself ‘what happened to me?’ because I was not okay with the fact that I was missing out opportunities that I know I was capable of achieving.

Thankfully, I learn a lesson or two and that is we should acknowledge the fact that each of us have different timelines. I chose to be this kind of person and I had to be like this for a reason.

To be honest, the glamour of medals, law school, prof ed, and masters doesn’t excite me right now, I’m not saying it wouldn’t be exciting forever but right now it’s just a no for me. What I learn the hard way in the last two years is the fact that I should be careful in pursuing recognitions and achievements. If I want to have something I have to check why I am doing it and why I am pursuing it. People around me worries about the passing of time saying I should move and enroll now but to be honest I am more worried that I might get into something and accumulate not just recognitions but pressure that might weigh more than anything I could ever handle. Being left behind doesn’t bother me but doing something for the wrong reason is what I’m most worried about. I’m worried because the reason why I took it might not be enough to justify the rocks that will be thrown at me, the pain might not be worth it.

I am beyond glad that friends and other people pursues their masters because I know they can do it. I’ve known people who’s been hiding under their shells and seeing that they are shedding their inhibitions and using their potential makes me happy for them.

I am having a pause and there’s nothing wrong with that. Having a pause doesn’t mean failure, it means pause. I still have plans and goals to achieve and this is not failure. The last two years of my life was never a failure, it was a learning process that felt like forever but it is necessary for my being.

People, you are not a robot. It might be coded in your DNA to work fast but you need a pause as well and taking it doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human. It doesn’t necessary means rest or stagnancy, whatever depiction of the word pause for you is ‘your pause’.

When I participated in a clean-up drive the thing that really got me hook was its advocacy. I want to labelled myself as an eco-warrior and it was the least that I can do- aside from ditching straws, using eco-bags religiously, and trying to influence people from our household.

Looking back I remember my parents’ classic reminder to be careful with the people I meet online- the millennial term for don’t talk to strangers. And right now I just want to give myself a clap back.

Aside from a close friend, Maureen whom I drag into it so imagine my liabilities if bad things happens, I don’t know anything about the people I’ll be with. But I trust them and their advocacy and so I had to do a leap of faith.

Being in a vehicle with no clue with who they are was a liberating experience. I remember my favorite writer (Ate Trisha of P.S. I’m on my way) and can’t help thinking how proud she will be of me for finally having a brave heart and doing it. She is my life’s peg to be honest and I want to be like her but not really like her- I want to be like her but still be me if that makes sense to you.

Meeting people during these kinds of activities is much easier than meeting people in school. In school, it feels like it is required to be there but with these kind of activities you’ll know that these people you are with shared a common goal with you.

The lesson I gain from this is to trust people. If I didn’t maybe we wouldn’t make it to our very first meet up- someone from the group volunteered to fetch us in the terminal to go to the meet up place of the rented van that drove us to Zambales. If I didn’t give any trust we wouldn’t be home at peace and ease as well- the same people who volunteered to fetch us also volunteered to accompany us to up to the terminal where we can ride a bus going home.

People, it’s not wrong to be careful. Living in this kind of world, living with the kind of government and society we have right now is very dangerous. Being careful is something we have to be with us 24/7 but being careful doesn’t mean you don’t need to trust people.

Being brave is not just being risky. Being brave is knowing everything could be wrong and acknowledging that life and people are not perfect but you embrace it anyway. You embrace it because you know how to dissect if this will bring mishap or will do you good. Trust is indeed a strong word and only strong people can use it best, use it wisely.

It’s been months since I last written something and this is just me trying and forcing my writing juices to come. I wrote this around 2AM and this is all I’ve got.

When I was still studying I often hear my higher year Ates and Kuyas who already graduated from college rant about how hard it is in the real world. I keep hearing things like life is much more different in real life and stuff like that.

To be honest, I didn’t understand them. I was thinking what possibly can be harder than what we’ve had in college? I mean we were forced to do crazy stuff just to make ends meet so an eight hour office job will be just fine, right? It’s freedom- we’re finally free!

But little did I know.

During college we were forced to learn and adapt how to stay awake and efficient with just 3 hour sleep, and some days we even have less than that, with a quiz or exam that same day. Personally, I’ve experienced having to go to school for my 8:30AM class without sleep, aside from power naps that I feel guilty having during that time, and then go home at 10 in the evening to repeat the process of my non-existing sleep for more couple of days.

That time I keep saying that I can never be more tired than this, not possible. I can’t understand our working friends rant because all I ever wanted that time was to get the hell out of college and get done with studying. But I was wrong and so I would like to write a letter for the graduating students about the things I wish I knew when I was about to finish college.

Dear Graduates,

                To be honest I am not sure if I want to congratulate you or send you a warmest hug for I know you’ll need it soon.

                It might seems like a book’s index or glossary but trust me it’s just a chapter’s summary and there’s still a Unit Test that you need to pass before going forward. You’ll face questions that seems like not part of the previous chapter but you have to answer it anyway and I am here to tell you to answer it patiently. Think about it. Is it A, B, C, or D? One question but can either make or break you.

                Friends, life is not a race and you don’t have to speed up, but to be honest I’m not even sure if your speeding up process has anything to do with your own decision or just a mere pressure from the people around you. I can’t blame you. With the kind of society that we have it’s almost impossible not to be pressured because most of us has a tendency to feel like what we think right is right.

                But hear me on this, you are your own. If you really want to grow then decide for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you decide to be practical and choose a path that is way out of your career path for a greater good, what matters is that you keep your stand. Human up and face it. Who cares if you need to choose pay grade than your passion? Who freaking care if you only have enough to make a living while doing the thing you are passionate about?

                If you are here reading this to seek advice to help you choose between your passion or being practical then I have to disappoint you. I will not imply an answer to a question in which you can only answer. We have different kind of life and sometimes what is best for others won’t be best or even good for you. If you choose passion then by all means, go and be happy because I’m happy for you. If you choose to be practical and leave your passion aside then it’s fine, I’m still rooting for you and all I ever wanted you to know is that I hope you are happy, if not I hope you become one along the way.

If you are those lucky human being who doesn’t need to pick between the two then I am very much happy, I hope you shine and grow more and help others too because whether you like it or not people or your friends will get jealous of the life you have and I hope you are there to make them see that you are all different but are equally talented and good. You might not notice it or like it but there will be people whose pain will come from your happiness and success. You’re not at fault and you don’t owe them anything but I have to ask you to be there for them. Cheer them up, affirm them because there will be times where it’ll be hard for them. So be that tiny hole- that whistle on a pressure cooker- and don’t be a heat that produces pressure for they have too much.

Graduates, the next couple of months will be hard for you. The training wheels will be taken away and you’ll have this mental clock that will keep on ticking, making you want to speed up the process of growing. But remember this, you are your own. Do not let yourself drown by the sound of the clock because it’s all in your head and that ticking sound is just a mere pressure that you keep on getting and forming are just inside your mind.

You have the power to silence it and adjust the melody for you are the master of your own.

Graduation is not the answer or an escape for you are not done, not yet. The challenges and sufferings will not stop, the pain will actually intensifies and I will tell you to keep on holding on and keep fighting.

What I learn from the past few years is that you will only age in number and in physical form but you will never be old enough to break down or be ready to any problems that will only intensify as you age.

When you feel like giving up and feel like the next summary chapter is way beyond your reach, if you feel like you are stuck, if you feel like you already suffered enough and can’t take any longer, just look back and see the journey you took and the challenges that you surpassed. You are here now, you already suffer enough, ngayon ka pa ba susuko?

Congratulations on your graduation! You are not done, but it also doesn’t mean that you can’t start something new.

THERE’S NO SINGULAR FORMULA IN BEING A MINIMALIST

The common misconception of other when they hear that someone is a minimalist is the fact that they either wear same clothes and that everything is black and white. While this is partly true, I want people to know that being a minimalist is not limited to a certain color palette.

Using certain color palette does help but it’s not a must. As I’ve said, there’s no singular formula or rule to being minimalist. The goal that you have to mind is that you have to limit your belongings only to those that makes you happy. The goal of minimalism is to lessen distraction that hinders you to have the peaceful life that you deserve.

I don’t have a certain color palette in my clothing but I consider myself practicing minimalism in terms of clothing since I don’t spend that much with branded clothes. As I’ve said, no singular rule as to how to adapt minimalism.

Back then, I tend to hoard clothes since I always buy cheap ones and it has accumulated along the way and some ended up not being use at all! Now, I think I only have less than a 90 pieces of clothing (I know it’s still a lot but I’m still working on it, don’t worry!) and for some I might not have done proper purging but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished.

I learn to accept and realize that not everyone is the same and that’s fine. I don’t have same shirts that I use every day and I don’t have a color palette that people associate with minimalism.

IT IS A PROCESS, IT DOESN’T NEED TO HAPPEN IN A SNAP OF YOUR FINGERS

As I’ve said on my previous post about my journey to Minimalism it took me some time before I jump to it and even more time to be on the process. I said to myself ‘Okay, enough reading and researching. Do it now!’ but it didn’t happen in a snap of my fingers. It took me three weeks before I achieve a lighter room. To be fair I only did the work during weekend since I have a day job during weekdays.

During the first week I went and throw all the unnecessary items inside my and Lola’s room (we share a room). My Lola is a hoarder and you can only imagine how dusty it is underneath our bedframe where she keep stack of filmsy Tupperwares, the pasalubong containers, and I was even shocked to find planks! I also started purging clothes this week and I already purged a luggage full.

During the second week, I decided that I still have a lot of clothes and so I purge once again. Yes, it took me majority of the day since I also clean the cabinets. After purging I ended up with additional box full of clothes.

I was pretty proud of myself knowing loads of stash are going to be discarded.

Third week was hard, I decided to give my attention to my books and papers. After I clean my bookshelf I separate the books into three category, the one I’ll surely keep, maybe pile, and let go pile. I told myself that I need to be brutal about my books since it takes up too much space and it’s not healthy since I don’t have time to read that much. I let go of the books that mostly just pick my curiosity but is not my genre and the one that I bought because I thought I’ll be able to read it.

As of writing, I folded my clothes just earlier and upon doing so I purge ten more pieces. Minimalism is a journey, not a race to discard all your belongings.

IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW YOU ORGANIZE, IT’S THE HABIT YOU DO AFTER EVERYTHING IS ORGANIZED

For the past weeks I realized something and it was so simple and yet I was blown away by how it can affect my current state, a make or break deal to be honest.

It’s how you put the things after you use them.

Pretty simple right? Indeed, it is simple but it does make a lot of difference. I notice that half of the reason why our room is a mess is because of how I put my stuff after I used them. For instance, after I went home from work I discard my uniform and put it on a corner pile (not proud of it but it’s true) and then the next thing I know is that I have bunch of mixed clean and dirty clothes.

It’s also the case with my desk. One moment everything is organized then I need to write something so I’ll get a pen and a paper, then the next days I can’t see a single pen anymore because I didn’t put it back to where it was placed.

We’re not done with shoes yet. So technically most of my shoes have boxes and it’s not that I change the kind of shoes I use very often so I keep them under my bed at the end of the day, and then when a certain shoes wouldn’t complete an outfit I have to use another and the next thing I know is that all my shoes are now under our bed while their boxes are carefully stacked and empty.

You have to keep telling yourself that certain things must have a certain place to stay with. In doing so, you wouldn’t just improve your organization skills but it’ll also help you ease daily struggle in terms of finding pieces of belonging that you needed.

And I know it’s hard but trust me when I say that it’s all worth it.

RESPECT SOMEONE’S PLACE AND BELIEF

As I’ve said earlier I’m with my Lola and she is a hoarder. It is hard on my part because she keeps putting back the things I wanted to let go. Even though I’m 110% ready to let go of things she just keeps on getting it from my pile and carefully hide it together with her other clothes.

I’ve seen a video of a girl tidying up her mom’s place, a certified hoarder, who went out to do some errands. The caption says that her mom keeps accumulating things and she wanted to help and so she tidy her house for her. But I think it’s not right. Being a hoarder ( a little bit haha) myself and growing up with Lola who typically keep all the things that she think that she’ll be able to use someday is a lot of work. For me, what the girl in the video did was way out of the line and uncalled for. If you wanted people to respect the way you live then you should also practice respecting their way of living. You don’t go throwing people’s stuff away just because you wanted to help, you can help them but at least as for a permission to do so.

Now, in our room there is a corner full of clothes of my Lola (we used to share that corner) but even though she went on a vacation for more than a month I didn’t try to discard her clothes or belonging even though I know that half of the clothes were not even used for years because if that will be done to me I’ll be pissed and will probably spit fire.

Just because we life a minimalist and meaningful life doesn’t mean you are right and that everyone will follow suit. It just doesn’t work that way.

IT’S HARD UNTIL IT WASN’T

This, I can attest to. It took me months of reading and being curious to the world of minimalism and I keep asking and wondering if I can pull it until I decided it’s time and just jump into it geared with knowledge from my reading.

To be honest, it’s really not that easy. It’ll hurt you and make you doubt if you are still doing the right thing. You’ll contemplate if letting go your things will all be worth it or just a crazy phase that you’ll outgrow in the couple of months.

But the only thing you can do is to move forward. Keep purging and hopefully you’ll feel the lightness lift off from your chest and the next thing you know is that you are regularly purging through your belongings.

After 4 major weekend purging I was surprised when I realized that I was getting good at this. Every rest day I go through my belongings and declutter one or two pieces. My books that is under my ’maybe pile’ keeps on decreasing while my ‘to-go pile’ keeps on accumulating. I realized that I crave the lightness I feel when I maintain the space of our room.

It is indeed hard until it wasn’t anymore.

“Love people and use things because the opposite doesn’t really work.”

I think I’ll speak on behalf of many Filipinos when I say that we were raised to think that acquiring loads of stuff is what makes you successful. It somehow became a basis to our life’s standing and for the longest time I was one of the solid believers of that thinking.

Growing up in a big family means not everything you want will be serve to you and it somehow manifested on how I treat things. I treasure all my belongings too much to the extent that I became ‘madamot’. I hate it when people search through my things, because I know when my things are meddled with, and I even hate it more when they use it without my permission.

Throughout the years I blindly accumulated things that occupy too much space on my room and even my life that I feel like I was suffocating.

ADMITTING SOMETHING IS QUITE NOT RIGHT

Last year went by in a blur and the fact that I somehow think that I wasted all the time I had made me wake up to a realization.

Something is wrong.

Inspirations won’t come by no matter hard I try and I’ve been slacking too much for the longest time, I am disoriented. I search online and found out that my save pins and ideas on Pinterest, as well as the podcast and videos I often listen to helped me gain my missing energy.

I realize that I have too much on my plate already. I look around and our room is filled with clothes I don’t even use. I lay down in bed to sleep knowing my clothes and bags were just under my feet’s reach. My working table was stocked with paper and other paraphernalia that hinders me to work, I can’t even lay my notebook to write something.

And for the past months I started my journey towards minimalism. I would like people living in the Philippines to know that we can do such thing if only we believe in ourselves, we can make minimalism work in the Philippines.

WHAT TO DO FIRST

The first thing I did was to read, listen, and watch people discussing about what minimalism is all about. I discover that being a minimalist doesn’t have to be complicated. There’s no single formula because the kind of minimalist that you are going to be will be based according to the kind of person that you are.

For example, in my case I am a bookworm and I am also a bit chic in some rare moments so letting go of my books and my most-kept clothes is a big heartbreak in my side. I have a whole bookshelf that house my collection of books that I am not ready to let go yet together with my sentimental pieces such as letters and old school memorabilia.

But all is under control so hold your horses! After months of watching and listening to quite some plenty minimalist guru I finally went on with it. So for this post let me tell you some things that made me just do it and other facts that made me start this journey.

TAKE AN ACTION

As a young adult you might think that I already got my sheets together. Some might say ‘What are you wailing about, girl? Come on you have day job, great friends, overly supportive family, and you still do what you love in that website of yours’. And though I admit that I am blessed in those areas, there are just some things that I can’t explain. There’s still a void.

I’m living a life the fullest in the eyes of other people but what my eyes see is that I am living. There. Just living. I don’t feel like I’ve found my purpose in life and I became stagnant. I feel mediocre in everything that I do that it somehow took its toll on my writings. The usual one blog entry per week went down the drain to the point that I can no longer post one entry in a quarter.

What I hate to see the most is the fact that I’m starting to hate myself for being like that so I have to take it seriously. I realized that I am too weak to convince myself from the inside and so I decided to do it from the outside. According to the videos and podcasts I streamed, if you can’t make yourself do something from the inside then try to fake it and do it from the outside first. Your surrounding plays an important role, it’ll help you replenish some of your energy and confidence just by making you feel good about the place you stay in.

BABY STEPS AND TIPS

Recently I did a purging with my clothes. I told myself to be brutal about it. I went on and grab all my clothes from my closet and put them on the bed which form a huge pile of different kinds of clothes. To be honest this is not my first time to purge my clothes, I did a decluttering a few months back using the KonMari method to which I failed because my grandma put all my purged clothes back to my closet. As I was purging again I realized that I still kinda like and can use some pieces of clothing I purge using the KonMari method even if it doesn’t spark that much joy.

I decided to just go commando with my style of purging, mixing KonMari and the traditional way of being practical, and I think I succeed. After the purging I have a luggage full of used and ready to discard clothes and an additional huge plastic almost full of clothes that no longer fit in the luggage. Update: I purge again and I have a luggage, box, and paper bag full of clothes and shoes.

Some might say it’s not that much and I agree.  It was indeed a baby step but I was glad I was able to do it. Clothing had never been an easy category to declutter and seeing I almost empty a closet makes me want to celebrate this kind of small victories.

Cheers to more toddler steps!