How Season 13 Finale of Grey's Anatomy affected me

By Teresa Gueco - March 07, 2020



This post was written on December 2019

This is not your typical confession post that you’ll see in Buzzfeed or similar entertainment sites, this is me confessing about my life’s whatnot and how GA keeps on teaching me how life works.

I’m a Grey’s Anatomy fan but for the past two years I haven’t been able to watch the last two seasons. I know some people will say ‘is that still being a fan?’ among other things but I guess you can say anything as much as you want since I wouldn’t really argue about that.

Now that 2019 is ending I decided to watch season 13’s finale again, I thought it wouldn’t affect me that much since I already watch it and I already cried buckets but I was wrong, it still hits me.

The thing is, the first time I watch it it feels like an ending season. A dead-end road. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we were about to finish college that time.

In that episode, Edwards, one of my favorite characters that I’m very fond of, decided to quit, Meredith let Nathan go so that he can be with Megan, and then they introduced Maggie and Jackson’s relationship which means an end for Jackson and April’s.

It has a lot of ending, and it was my ending season.

Looking back now, I think the reason why I wasn’t able to watch past Season 14 episode 15 is because I was stuck and a line which resonates with me is the following dialogue between Edwards and a patient named Erin.

“So we’re stuck?”- Erin

“No. No, we’re not stuck. We are... We’re gonna sit right here and put this (blanket) over our heads, and we’re gonna be just fine, I promise you. Come on.” –Stephanie Edwards

“No. That’s pulling the covers over your head. My mom said when things get scary, you don’t do that. You turn on the light so the scary goes away.”- Erin

“But I am a doctor and I know that in this case this blanket is our best chance, okay?- Stephanie Edwards

After I graduated from college, I decided to put the blanket over my head to protect me. Despite the fact and knowledge that I’ll get suffocated eventually, I did it because it got scary. Life is scary but it got even more scary, so putting the blanket on was the only thing for me to do.

But after watching it the second time, this time right here, a new perspective came into view.

I realized that there might have been a lot of ending and a lot of letting go but it was not a lose battle.

Meredith let Nathan go because it was the right thing to do and it did not invalidate the memories they shared. Stephanie did not just throw away her profession, she didn’t quit, she look after herself and that is something not a lot of us can do. Only brave people can walk away from their comfort zones to look after themselves and see other things that life can offer.

Finally, after two years I realized that it’s a start of something. The burning of the fire of passion. A start perhaps.

Actually, for me it’s not entirely a ‘start’ for I’ve been in this journey too long and I don’t want to disregard the things I did and experienced in the past, may it be pain or happiness, and it’s not a do-over also.

I was able to see that despite the scary Edwards decided to face it and came out alive. She went head-on to the raging fire to get her key card, all burnt and damaged but alive, and she save that girl.

I want to be like Edwards. I want to get out and be saved, it doesn’t matter if I’m damaged or burnt as long as I make it alive and past life’s challenges, it’s okay.

Watching Dr. Bailey scolded Dr. Minnick about protocols and saying they were taught right by Dr. Webber feels good.

It feels like I am part of the original interns and that I was once taught by Dr. Webber. Seeing all the doctors sacrifice themselves made me re-think of all the things I did. Do I do things according to protocols like a human robot or can I still see past through protocols and do it because I know how to feel?

‘She is clinging to these procedures and protocols and cannot see when to let go in order to save the life of a patient, a child!’- Chief Bailey.

Maybe there were times where I was clinging on to protocols because I thought it was going to save me, to make things easy and get things done. And maybe the only thing that can save the child in all of us is knowing when to let go of those protocols. We have to let go of the voice that speaks inside our head and just feel.



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