I always wonder what is the ratio of our chance at winning in life after all the things and risks I did. What is my ratio of winning? As a writer, I have a non-committal relationship with math or any numbers but if given the chance to know what my chances of winning, then I’ll gladly lend my ears to find out.

I had been blogging for a long time already but it wasn’t easy. I had so many blogs in the past and now they are gone. They are gone mostly because I was undecided about what to write and what niche I really wanted to be in. I had a journal type of blog, I was doing fashion, I was doing travel, and I remember I had a blog for book reviews and poetry and that blog was actually kinda successful since I was contacted by many authors asking me to review their works in exchange of a copy of their books.

The book blog was running smoothly until I wasn’t able to read often than needed because I got busy with college. Unfortunately for a bookworm like me, I had to decline book requests because I can no longer cater to the demands. The same fate happened with my fashion and travel blogs, I find myself not having the same intensity I had before to do photoshoots.

But despite all of that,  I still manage to stay on my game. Right now I am currently managing 3 websites/blogs; this life website (www.shesaidgoforit.com), the business and lifestyle website (www.mayariwrites.com), and my recently launched music website (www.thedailymixmag.com).

To be honest, before I launched the music website I was actually severely hesitant if I will still push through since I don’t think I can pull it off. A friend whom I consulted with ask me if I can still handle another site since my plate is pretty much full, I have a day job and maintaining 3 websites is actually kinda scary and time-consuming.

At first, I was thinking maybe I can just add a segment or series on my existing blog, www.mayariwrites.com, about music but after some time thinking I realized that I really wanted a website solely for music.

I am not a good singer I am not an artist who is inclined to music producing but I really appreciate music so much you can see it radiating on my IG stories where I post a a substantial amount of songs and artists who are so good.

So what’s next for me? I already launched my music website and right now my focus is growing audience for my blogs and giving people the content I wanted to convey the very first time I decided to create these sites. Am I done? Is this my peak?

No.

If I am being honest I don’t feel content with what I have right now. I want growth, and I don’t think that is a selfish thing to ask. I have a plan to create my own podcast (super late since I wanted to launch this last year) and create a Youtube channel.

Is it too much to ask? Am I being too ideal? I don’t know but before anyone of you get skeptical about my plans, I just want everyone to know that you are not alone because I stake claim to be the first.

Unfortunately, you cannot pop the bubbles that have been long gone. I’ve been the hardest critic of myself for the longest time and having these plans have me thinking and criticizing myself and my capabilities to do it.

Yes, I listen to the voice doubting myself and what’s funny is that it’s kinda helpful. I mean, I don’t need to fake my confidence with myself and I realized that thinking the bad outcome makes me have an answer or back up plan to reverse the skeptic side of my conscience.

There was a time where I feel disappointed with all the blogs I created which ceased to exist. And that is the reason why I don’t usually share it online, hence the lack of traffic and marketing. I remember having a blog where most of my engagements are from the other side of the world, that is ironic because Filipinos are known to be super active when it comes to mainstream media.

It was hard to let go, it’s hard to accept defeat when you know you have no other choice but to surrender, it lessens you in a way I cannot completely describe. But right now, I am not looking back because I failed so many times. I know better, and I feel that I am smart enough to know that this is not the end game.

Now, I am looking forward while carrying my failures and preparing myself for that TED Talk that I really want to have in the future. I will proudly tell my audience how I failed with a lot of things and how I kept on trying.

I will carry not just the recognition I’ve gained (or the lack thereof) throughout the years but also the failures I had and I will have.

So what if I flapped my podcast, what if my Youtube channel won’t even reach a hundred subscribers, what if my blogs won’t prosper, among those what-ifs my greatest concern is what if I was able to pull through all of this but I’m just so scared to try it out?

If you were ever put in a position where you got scared or in doubt always remember that sometimes the ratio of winning is one is to five, so how can you ever get that win if you were so scared to fail? Fail a hundred times and then win some tens.

Who cares if the ratio of winning in life is 1:5? Go ahead and try. Maybe that’s a win or maybe not. Fail more...and then win some.

And to be honest how can you enjoy the sweetness of your victory if you haven’t tasted the bitterness of your defeat?