Life is a circus. Often than not we think we are just a mere spectator who lets the world unfold around us not realizing we might be the one they are looking at.

Recently, I wonder how people does it- how those media influencers do the thing as it is. Sharing to anyone who cares the tiniest bits of their lives as if life has always been like that. How ironic, says the person who penned random thoughts on this site as if it’s always like that, right?

It’s been a couple of weeks since I slow down with the usage of social media, I only access my accounts during the days and when I get home I just disconnect myself on the virtual world man created which people think is a necessity now. Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is useful, especially with my passion in writing. But sometimes it’s kinda suffocating.

Just like what I said, I post random thoughts and realizations. But not everything will get posted, I have at least 15 word docs that are saved and haven’t been posted partly because I think it’s not yet finished and mostly because I think it’s not the right time to post it. Why not publish it, you ask, when on my previous post I wrote that I want to make a point and make people realize things?

I wanted to engage and get a response in any way possible.

But why not publish all my thoughts?

It’s because not everything will make sense and not everything you think needs to be broadcast.

Most people wanted to share what they have in mind so that everyone will see that it makes sense, it’s in our nature to say something but is it really necessary? If I think someone of power is a racist, misogynistic pig who rule a nation and uses his power to favor those who favors him, should I keep commenting on every actions that he does?

Once in a very while is enough, especially when I had enough.  I don’t have to comment in every action that he makes. Why would I waste my time waiting for his every move and give my two cents when I can use my time being useful and share good vibes that can brighten someone’s day or help in any way I can to voice out a topic or cause that myself relates to the most?

There’s so many troll comments and unsolicited opinions thrown from most people, you need not to join the bandwagon just because it’s what’s in right now.

In a more simple way I just want to say that be a Doraemon in a world full of Dora.

In every episode of Dora she keeps showing things she has in her bag and is determined to make the audience use it, it doesn’t feel right when you know that there are things that are available and haven’t been use. Admit it. 

If you are too millennial for this post let me help you understand my Doraemon reference. Doraemon is a Japanese cartoon and he is a robotic cat from the 21^st century who lived with Nobita who came from 19^th century, if my memory serves me right. He has this white pouch, I’ll call it magical but I think it’s more of an advance technology compartment. It’s like Hermione’s purse that can fit almost anything!

Anyway, we all know that Doraemon has this bunch of things that can help Nobita seize the day but what made him different from Dora and her back pack is that he just pick a specific tool. He doesn’t just give it away despite knowing how many item he has under his pocket.

While Dora uses all his packed stuff for her adventure, Doraemon only uses one that can help Nobita at that specific time.

Doraemon let Nobita realize his mistakes after his abusive use of that object, he doesn’t give him anymore even if he can.

I know that people are naturally curious, adding the fact that Filipinos are fanatic in nature- even at fault if I may add.

So if you are given a chance to share your two cents, make it worthwhile. Make it something which will benefit people more.

There will be times in your life where you’ll freeze. It doesn’t matter when or where, heck it doesn’t even matter why, but it will come and that one thing is for sure.

For the past months I unconsciously embarks on a journey to a black hole. Not that illegal stuff you have in mind, just a phase of being void of everything. In a snap I saw myself spiraling down and losing my cool. How ironic since I am a ball of positivity to my friends and yet I got tired. I was Dory. One moment I keep telling people to keep on swimming, to find the current that will lead them to where they are supposed to be, and then next I forgot all about it. Amnesia Dory (Girl).

I forgot to swim or is it because I got tired of fighting the current? I don’t know but one thing is for sure… I let myself lurk in that hole. I stayed there and let myself see how other fishes swim above me. I see them do the things I wanted to do. I was just so tired of trying since I’ve been pushing myself to (almost) a breaking point.

Last year has been tough, and I was this supernova bright spirit at the end of the year, but I forgot that being a supernova is not really good as it is the last stage of a star’s life cycle. It will shine so bright and then it’s gone, just like what happened to my spirit. I have this ideal year ahead that overpowers all the darkness around me which comforts me, but then as the calendar shifts the light exploded and left  me nothing but dust.

As you can see, I’ve been in a writing hiatus for months now. And I only came to accept a realization I have some quite time now. It’s that I got scared. When I put up this site it is my vision to influence readers and give them thoughts which they can relate to in some levels. And I feel like I failed. When I unconsciously went down to a blackhole my thoughts are just not that coherent enough to write about. I stop writing because I know this is where I’m more flawed and real. And my reality now is not something I want to devour and talk to. I was okay until I wasn’t anymore.

Nothing brought me back to writing even if I tried to. I climbed a summit and surprisingly I didn’t get a single thought/realization during that 8-hour climb, just a much needed catch up with a great friend a break from everything else.

One thing I want to impart in this post is that despite being stuck in a black hole I realized things. I realized that I might have been at the end of a road or at the middle of a crossroad and I might have picked the wrong road but it’s okay. No matter what kind of vehicle I have with me, as long as I know and learn how to backpedal and turn I’ll make it through.  It has been a tough road and I need to rest even if it doesn’t seems to be the right place to rest.

To those who went down the same road, we’ll get to where we are supposed to be as long as you want to be there. It might take time and energy but we’ll get there. You don’t have to be brave all the time. You don’t have to figure it all out. You just have to be and know you.