THE TOLL ON BEING ADULT

I know for a fact that I’ve been an independent lady since I was a teen, sometimes even to a fault. During those times I wasn’t really thinking about it, I didn’t analyze it at all. But now that I’m officially a young adult, I now can see a different picture, and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it but it seems like I  don’t have a choice anymore.

Remember those times where you heard about some relatives getting sick and confined for observation? Or when you are the one who’s sick? Back then your parents will leave you with your grandparents or relatives to pay a visit to the sick or if you are the one who’s sick they are the ones who sort out papers for your hospitalization and such. My younger self thought it is a normal thing to do, of course you have to tend for the sick! But let’s just say that my current self is going crazy wrapping her head about it.

It’s so hard being the adult and tending to the sick, even harder if it’s someone who spent their lives tending for you. I’m not even talking about critical stuff here, thank God for that. My mother got hospitalized recently due to Hypertension (highest BP rate was 210/140) which made me and my sister skip our works. When I was at the hospital I realized how time flies so fast my inner 10-year old self almost thinks it’s a joke.

Is this how life is going to be from now on? I internally asked. Me and my sisters are now the ones who tend to our elders, I mean I’m neither against it nor piss about it, maybe just a little overwhelm by the fact that we already have this huge responsibility which we are willing to carry on. And yet nobody prepares us for this!

Tending for an elder is not something new to the family since we have our Grandma staying with us, not being braggy but I think we somehow mastered the art of giving meds, bathing, and making sick people eat especially when they are being hard headed and moody at the same time.

I think what makes my gut clench harder is the fact that whenever Mama get sick we also have to look after Lola at the same time, and vice versa. If Lola is sick or not feeling well we have to break the news lightly as to not make our mother nervous or she might get hypertensive. On the other hand, when Mama feel sick we can’t tell it to Lola because we know that she will respond to the news negatively and we can’t afford to let her emotion overrule because we know that her almost 92-year old body can’t take the pressure and anxiety anymore.

I just find it overwhelming that the children in all of us are now young adults.

Cheers to faking and getting by.

So I was (maybe still am) on a writing hiatus due to some unexplainable reasons and right now I just want to write down my thoughts- more like words or phrases if you’d ask me because they’re incoherent. So you just have to roll with it. Here’s a life in a bullet!

And I just realized that the previous paragraph just became a blur of multiple thoughts which are put together in an ugly way. Deal with it.

I just want to end this with you telling that you might suck but who doesn’t? Sulk and suck it up. That ain’t your last, I’m sure it’s not.