Dear Vita,

This is a reminder that it’s okay to fail. That you will make mistakes and that it’ll be fine.

You will face crossroads and you will have to choose. And sometimes what lies ahead is not the best road and you have to forgive yourself for choosing wrong. You have to forgive yourself for being wrong and for choosing the second-best answer.

I know that we were taught to succeed, we were given that push to get that goal, but what they forgot to teach us is how to cope up with failure. I’m not a pro but I want to share something which keeps me striving- it is acceptance.

Accept that you will be wrong. Accept that you will fall and you will be a disgrace while people talk about you. Accept that you are not perfect and that despite all the recognition that you accumulated all throughout your life- you will still fail.

Life is not honey and butter.

You have to be stung by a bee to get that honey. You have to work hard to turn that milk into butter.

Why are we so afraid to fail? Why are we so scared of being the talk of the town? Why are we so scared of living life with setbacks? Why do we hate having scars? Why do we fear to be imperfect when we are living an imperfect life?

Why are we so afraid to fail? What do we have to learn to be better? Why are we so scared of being the talk of the town? I don’t care what they said, I’m gonna prove them wrong. Why are we so scared of living life with setbacks? What did we learn from those trials? Why do we hate having scars? These are my battle scars. Why do we fear to be imperfect when we are living an imperfect life? I fail so many times but I am not a failure. I won’t let myself to be a failure. 

I can forgive myself for failing so many times but I couldn’t forgive myself if I stop trying and become a failure.

So you are writing this on your 1st gradniversary, how time flies so fast. Remember when you had to break the news with your parents about having an award? Yeah, total epic because you were scolded for coming home late even though your classes are over for weeks already. You immediately interfere further lengthy discussion with “Cum Laude ako.” Dude, epic. Hahaha you were actually planning until you finish completing requirements before you announce it but hell yeah, desperate time calls for desperate measures.

To be honest, I don’t know where my life is going to take me and I hope whatever decision I make will benefit you because I only want the best for us because it’s gonna be just us who’ll have control with the future. I really understand why you opted not to broadcast to the whole world about your award, it’s not that you are not proud but more because you are afraid of the pressure it has.

You tell people that somewhere along the way you strive and decided to do what you want to do because you wanted it, hence the award because you loved it. And I think that’s one factor why you wanted to be low key about it, you don’t have the need to broadcast it because you did it for yourself and you also wanted to get the full credit (lol). 

Sometimes I wonder how I did it, the studying but more on the after grad world. The world is an ugly-confidence-sucking place and yet I’m here faking bravery like it’s nothing. 

Cease the moment. Say yes to every opportunity. Bring the idealist and brave soul in you and just do it. Fear will not get you nowhere. I love you, I really do and I hope you are proud of your younger self.

-June 16, 2018 

11:48pm