“Love people and use things because the opposite doesn’t really work.”

I think I’ll speak on behalf of many Filipinos when I say that we were raised to think that acquiring loads of stuff is what makes you successful. It somehow became a basis to our life’s standing and for the longest time I was one of the solid believers of that thinking.

Growing up in a big family means not everything you want will be serve to you and it somehow manifested on how I treat things. I treasure all my belongings too much to the extent that I became ‘madamot’. I hate it when people search through my things, because I know when my things are meddled with, and I even hate it more when they use it without my permission.

Throughout the years I blindly accumulated things that occupy too much space on my room and even my life that I feel like I was suffocating.

ADMITTING SOMETHING IS QUITE NOT RIGHT

Last year went by in a blur and the fact that I somehow think that I wasted all the time I had made me wake up to a realization.

Something is wrong.

Inspirations won’t come by no matter hard I try and I’ve been slacking too much for the longest time, I am disoriented. I search online and found out that my save pins and ideas on Pinterest, as well as the podcast and videos I often listen to helped me gain my missing energy.

I realize that I have too much on my plate already. I look around and our room is filled with clothes I don’t even use. I lay down in bed to sleep knowing my clothes and bags were just under my feet’s reach. My working table was stocked with paper and other paraphernalia that hinders me to work, I can’t even lay my notebook to write something.

And for the past months I started my journey towards minimalism. I would like people living in the Philippines to know that we can do such thing if only we believe in ourselves, we can make minimalism work in the Philippines.

WHAT TO DO FIRST

The first thing I did was to read, listen, and watch people discussing about what minimalism is all about. I discover that being a minimalist doesn’t have to be complicated. There’s no single formula because the kind of minimalist that you are going to be will be based according to the kind of person that you are.

For example, in my case I am a bookworm and I am also a bit chic in some rare moments so letting go of my books and my most-kept clothes is a big heartbreak in my side. I have a whole bookshelf that house my collection of books that I am not ready to let go yet together with my sentimental pieces such as letters and old school memorabilia.

But all is under control so hold your horses! After months of watching and listening to quite some plenty minimalist guru I finally went on with it. So for this post let me tell you some things that made me just do it and other facts that made me start this journey.

TAKE AN ACTION

As a young adult you might think that I already got my sheets together. Some might say ‘What are you wailing about, girl? Come on you have day job, great friends, overly supportive family, and you still do what you love in that website of yours’. And though I admit that I am blessed in those areas, there are just some things that I can’t explain. There’s still a void.

I’m living a life the fullest in the eyes of other people but what my eyes see is that I am living. There. Just living. I don’t feel like I’ve found my purpose in life and I became stagnant. I feel mediocre in everything that I do that it somehow took its toll on my writings. The usual one blog entry per week went down the drain to the point that I can no longer post one entry in a quarter.

What I hate to see the most is the fact that I’m starting to hate myself for being like that so I have to take it seriously. I realized that I am too weak to convince myself from the inside and so I decided to do it from the outside. According to the videos and podcasts I streamed, if you can’t make yourself do something from the inside then try to fake it and do it from the outside first. Your surrounding plays an important role, it’ll help you replenish some of your energy and confidence just by making you feel good about the place you stay in.

BABY STEPS AND TIPS

Recently I did a purging with my clothes. I told myself to be brutal about it. I went on and grab all my clothes from my closet and put them on the bed which form a huge pile of different kinds of clothes. To be honest this is not my first time to purge my clothes, I did a decluttering a few months back using the KonMari method to which I failed because my grandma put all my purged clothes back to my closet. As I was purging again I realized that I still kinda like and can use some pieces of clothing I purge using the KonMari method even if it doesn’t spark that much joy.

I decided to just go commando with my style of purging, mixing KonMari and the traditional way of being practical, and I think I succeed. After the purging I have a luggage full of used and ready to discard clothes and an additional huge plastic almost full of clothes that no longer fit in the luggage. Update: I purge again and I have a luggage, box, and paper bag full of clothes and shoes.

Some might say it’s not that much and I agree.  It was indeed a baby step but I was glad I was able to do it. Clothing had never been an easy category to declutter and seeing I almost empty a closet makes me want to celebrate this kind of small victories.

Cheers to more toddler steps!

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” –Antoine Sains-Exupery

When I was a junior in college I remember that I made this mental breakdown of where I’ll be years from that time. I decided that after I graduate college, I’ll find a job and save 2 years and enroll myself for my second degree, I still haven’t figured out what to take but I know a specific field that I want to be.

Fast forward to present, can you believe that it’s almost 2 years after I graduated from college and that means based on my mental plans I only have months to go before I enroll myself to another program.

But look where I am now.

Of course, my plan haven’t change at all it’s just that for the past months I’ve been beating myself too much. I was this optimistic human being who is excited for her life’s next chapter but I was slacking off. I was flowing through life and now I realized that I haven’t plan anything at all.

As Antoine Sains-Exupery would say, it’s just a wish until I create a plan. It’s not enough to have a goal and a timeline, what matters most is your plan. You need to have your plan laid out and have back up plans when things didn’t work out the way you want it to be.

I think the fault was on me. I was so eager to be a certain person that I forgot to be at the present and plan my future. I did plan my future but the structural plan on how to achieve the future that I wanted to have wasn’t done, it wasn’t even half done.

I guess I was accustomed with the fact that all throughout my growing years I am a follower of curriculums and the fact that I will be where I am meant to be means doing good at class. When you are studying you have a goal, whether it’s to be a latin awardee or to graduate on time, and it is by default instilled on us that in order to get those goal you have to do good and passed needed requirements.

But everything is different after you’re done with college.

I had a conversation with a friend about this and I am not sure if I will be happy or feel sad that she actually feel the same way as I did. I realized that I was slacking off mainly because I feel like I have all the time in the world. There’s no more deadlines (in terms of personal growth, this doesn’t apply to work tho) and no more push to make you do things urgently. No more midterms or finals that will require you to learn the ins and outs of certain program, no more output that will require you to carry a camera and use the technical knowledge you were taught by your profs, and yes no more critique that will correct your essays.

There’s no more training wheels, we are on our own now. And I think the past months were the hardest part because we’re unsure about everything around us.

I somehow stop paddling and I eventually stop, and after some time waiting for that push I realized that I only have myself now. It was hard and if I’m being honest I think I haven’t move forward that much for I’m still struggling to feel my feet and steady myself.

I may not be a good rider and I may not have improved that much but one thing I’m sure, or at least I want to believe, is that I’m stronger and I know better now. Of course, I’m still picking up the mess or rather I’m still struggling to get past my mess and my clouded decisions from the past but I now know that creating timeline does not equate to success.

Just because you created a fool-proof timeline does not guarantee that you’ll achieve your goal. What matter most is that despite all the setbacks you are still there wanting and fighting no matter how small the voice inside you, no matter how small your hope is.

It’s not bad to have a timeline, just remember that it’s not enough and that no matter how high or low your goal is the thing that you really need is a plan.

Today, I’m writing to you as a friend. You might not personally know me that much, you might be one of my internet friends whom I haven’t had the privilege to meet yet, a classmate whom I haven’t talk about personal stuff, an org-mates, college mates, or just a regular FB friends, but let me say that I got your back and this is for you.

First, I would like to ask. How are you?

Your ‘I’m fine’ cliché won’t work on me right now. I’m asking how are you? How fine are you? Or how eff is your life right now?

Stop faking it. You only have yourself to witness our chitchat so might as well be true to yourself.

Now, how are you?

Did you know why I ask? It’s because I know that not all of you have had the privilege to be listen to. I know that it’s more bearable to fake your current state than to share fragments of yourself and be vulnerable. I know how hard to figure out life and other shenanigans that you are experiencing.

I know it’s hard.

But now, I want you to stop faking anything. Stop fighting the pain and struggle and let me take you back to the younger version of yourself. Even just this once, let me take you back to the old yet younger you.

Do you still remember what you wanted to be when you grow up? The profession you repeatedly write about on your theme papers every start of the school year?

As a child we tend to be indecisive about things and if it’s, by any miracle, happens that you are pursuing the field you dreamt of taking by your younger self then I’m happy for you… I hope you are happy too.

The problem with people in our society right now is we eventually stop dreaming. We hope for a better life but we don’t dream bigger anymore. We tasted too much reality and we settled for what we have in front of us because risking is too much risk- perhaps it’s the reason why it’s called risky.

I remember so many people dreaming to be something great! I know some who wanted to be an astronaut, scientist, doctor, teacher, and so many more back when we were younger. I know that the one who wanted to be an astronaut took up teaching instead but I don’t have way of knowing what the others decided to be right now, some of my classmate during grade school and high school didn’t even had the chance to finish college despite their earnest will and desire due to life’s circumstances.

There’s nothing wrong with being realistic and living within means, I agree with that ideology too. If you need to eat then buy a decent food within your means and don’t go for a diner that costs too much. Be practical as much as you want, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t hope for a better life.  Being practical is not a hindrance in our ability to dream.

Scared of risking things? Who’s not, right?

We are so scared that we might waste all of it and we’ll end up failing. Well, I’m not saying you immediately jump off on a cliff, take a baby step, just a little step will suffice as long as you keep on going. If you feel like giving up then take a rest but keep walking after.

When we were kids our parents told us that bad dreams are called nightmares and they say that it’ll eventually go away so just don’t mind them, and perhaps that contributes to the problem.

Nightmares are also dreams, just not the thing we wanted to be dreaming, same as life can get tricky and hard, not what we wanted, and so we hope for it to go away like nightmares when in reality nothing can put it away but you. It’s you who needs to move forward to be able to surpass it. You need to wake up and let the fear subside until you finally had the courage to know better.

The way I see it, we are so accustomed believing what our parents said when they told us it’ll go away, so we wait for it to disappear and it sucks our happiness and hope the more we wait and let it engulfs us. Nobody will shake us awake, but we can turn the page the way we wanted if we can only learn how to dream again.

Remember how our 4-year old self dreamt of her/his 2-storey house with a swimming pool facing the beach. How we wanted to fly and travel the whole world.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing your limits but at least give your mind the power of being limitless even just inside your head.

You might feel the pressure of not being enough and it will weighs you down, but don’t let it kill your dreams.

Be a dreamer and let’s talk being a doer next time, just focus on dreaming first.

Don’t be afraid of nightmares, be afraid of being scared of dreaming.

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They say that there will come a time in a relationship where the thing you adore in your partner will be the reason of your quarrels. That the traits that first draw you to your partner will tick you. You might like a person for being mysterious or chatty but there will come a time where it will drive you nuts. Of course, I don’t have personal proof to validate that but if you will see it in a different perspective I think it is true.

When I was still studying people keep asking me what path I will take, what type of career my program will lead me, and where will I be after I graduate. During those time I confidently say that I can be anywhere since communication is pervasive. Our Profs did told us we can be in any field we want to be, we can be in the field of media, advertising, marketing, or even sales!

It is our strength. We honed ourselves to be the best version of ourselves in different fields.

I remember a conversation I had with a friend when the topic about mastery came up, we share our own sentiments and he shared an instance during a job interview, it was asked what we major in our program.

To cut it short, my friend answers what we were thought is the answer. He told the interviewee that there is no specific major in the program we took, we learn and tackle all of them! He thought it is a great answer until he heard the rebuttal line ‘So you are a Jack of all trades, master to none?’

Maybe that’s the reason why I went on a phase of confusion. We don’t have a concrete path that we know we can be part of. If you took education the next thing you have to do is take your licensure exam and be the educator that you wanted to be. If you took business course the next thing you need to do is look for a job that is related to finance and accounting or start your own business. Of course people who graduated from those programs were not limited to one profession, but you know what I want to point out here. Unlike us, if you ask those who studies under those programs, they’ll say specific career path.

Eventually our strength became our weakness. We were lost and stuck with the realization that we could have been better but how? I know enough of the little things but how will I standout?

Our then strength became our weakness. We were so diverse that we can’t decide where to go next. We have been put in a position wherein you have to choose between so many possibilities but despite all of them you still look and ended up being a mediocre.

I once read a thread regarding how a relationship lasts and it's not because I’m looking for tips or something, it just so happen that a friend of mine found the thread fitting for him that time since he just got out of a relationship and so he shared it to us.

In the post the one who penned it underwent life studies and stuff, a part of their study was to find out the reason to lasting relationship. They were ask to interview people of different relationship status. They went and ask the reason how they last and why it lasted, is it love or choice. Upon asking it turns out that majority of the people don’t consider pure love as the reason why they are still on a relationship. It’s not about the kilig or the love, it’s all about choosing to be in the relationship.

So where am I heading with this? What I want you to realize is that no matter how powerful or the lack thereof of your chances in life, the thing that will help you make it through is you. You accepting that life is full of crap and that it is not always rainbows and butterfly, you realizing that it is always up to you whether you consider your strength as weakness or make your weakness as some field for you to improve.

If we let people make us doubt our strength then how can we grow? Yes, there will be times where you will question your capabilities and skills but don’t let it break you. You are more than that.

For years you face criticism and self-doubt, you fought in silence, cried when the light was off, you’ve been through a lot but please don’t quit. Are you going to quit now that you’ve been through all of that? You already suffered, gain something from it.

If they made you turn your strength as your weakness, then try and turn it back again as your strength.

And now, you will be stronger than before, wiser, and much more ready to face life. I’m rooting for you, even when you at your worst, know that I’m rooting for you.

I grow up in a family where money is not something to play around with since we’re a big family. We grew up getting only the necessary things and saving the remaining for future expenses. I grew up in a simple life and that made me realized that money shouldn’t be wasted on things that is not necessary, and so I became thrifty.

I became thrifty not because I have so much to spare but mainly because of Lola who keep asking me where I spend the small amount of money she gives when she gets her pension (she gives me 100 pesos every month back then lol) and then when I tell her that I only have twenty pesos left, or even coins, she’ll give me this disappointed look and will lecture me to save for myself as she knows that we are not rich. At a young age it was instilled in me that saving is not something you can do for leisure, it’s something you have to do as to be prepared for life and emergency. And all of that learnings paid off.

Savings made me more comfortable and confident especially when I was in college since we tend to have surprise expenses that needs to be taken care of. During my schooling it’s kind of hard for the whole family since we are two who are both studying in college at the same time together with our youngest who was in grade school. I applied for scholarship grant that gives allowance and I saved those as to not ask for money from my parents for some projects since the degree I took was already known for being expensive.

If I am being honest right now I’m not sure if it’s a good thing anymore, well at least part of it. Saving is really helpful and a must for everyone since there is nothing permanent in this world. It’s just that I started getting anxious when my savings go low beyond a specific amount and I tend to see things under a peso sign. I’m not saying I became ‘mukhang pera’ but more likely I based by decisions where I can still have good enough of money under my sleeves, it started to feel like saving is safety.

I’ll admit that lately I’ve been a spender and it’s not something I’m proud of but still want to share. I think it has something to do with the fact that I feel deprived of the things I wanted while growing up- material things- and now that I am working I can finally have the things I wanted because I know that I am working and I have my own salary to spend with.

It went out of hand if you’ll base it on my standards. I depleted my savings and ruin my savings plan that I was following. Well to be fair I think I’ll have those spending spree a pass since I’ve been stress out lately and I realize that it serves as a treat for myself. People need a break and pampering too!

On the other hand, despite myself not wanting to condemn herself, I think I reach a point where my reasoning feels like as an excuse which is not justifiable. I cannot treat myself every time I feel like it. I can’t eat out few times a week just because I feel tired when part of the reason I am tired was because I binge watch from Netflix and kill time on social media! I can’t have my subscription to a lot of entertainment platforms for my entertainment when I don’t use them that often!

It’s not that I don’t want it but more because I can’t manage it as it is leaning more to being bad. I want myself to realize that getting a treat doesn’t always mean you have to spend a lot! Take a rest and have fun if you must but live within or even below your means!

 

Don’t waste your future by being irresponsible in the present.

For the past months, years even, I’ve been neglecting my title as an honor graduate. I even posted something about how hard it was.

But I had a realization as I was commuting on the way to work.

I realize that I didn’t hate the title but rather overwhelmed with the attention it directed my way.

It was a spotlight that hovers above me and me being myself always hated spotlight and other superficial niceties. I was a shy and timid person all along and the attention I was getting almost become unbearable. I don’t want to be labelled as ‘matalino’ because I know I’m not that ‘matalino’. I enjoyed being able to answer questions correctly but I don’t have a natural gifted intelligence.

While on the way to work flashback of my conversation with a good friend, Den, came to my mind. It was when I told her my story behind my perseverance to study hard. To make it short, I told her that I decided to strive hard with academics because I wanted to and that it is my personal desire. I’m done pleasing people around me and decided that I can’t ruin my belief just because something won’t quite fit in.

I entered college with determination to try my best to be a better learner… for myself. I told myself that I will celebrate every burden, failures, victories, and even failures as my own. And I did.

I failed so many times but I treated it as learnings. I was optimistic and brave regardless of my failures.

I now realized that I’m not a cum laude for no reason at all. There must be something in me or something I’ve done to deserve it. My perseverance finally paid off and I was reaping the fruit of my labor, a victory I should have been proud of. But the only problem is that I forgot to embrace it.

The exact line I said was ‘You are a cum laude for a reason.’

 And that reason was buried along with the pressure and the expectation around me. My every move is under scrutiny with the help of the spotlight. I was honestly scared but now I know what I really felt back then. When the people around you utter praises you started to live it. You started to feel obligated to satisfy their sense of fulfillment for you. And you started to live the life people may not chose but thought best suits you.

Aside from my bookish intelligence I am a good follower and a mediocre leader. If I have to choose between being a leader and a follower I’ll gladly be a follower and your why will be answered in the future- maybe.

As time passes by the thing that they mostly thought was my strength was starting to be a burden. It became my weakness. The anxiety it builds inside me whenever someone asks me what my next plan is, and their suggestion of how I should take up law or masterals drill a painful hole into my brain.

The funny thing is, I don’t know what my next step is either. But there is something I’m sure, I’m not gonna be pressured to do something that I think is not worthy to do or take. One thing that haven’t changed in me is the more you make me do something, the more I think about its pros and cons. I like to believe that I’m a very rational human being and I think it’s good.

I just need to be braver and conquer the life I am living in. I know it’ll take time for me to finally reach my full potential but I know it’ll be worth it, and I knew better know.

As cliché as it may seems but indeed ‘Everything happens for a reason’.