When I was on my primary and
growing up years people often ask what I wanted to be. Mama and Papa says I
used to say I wanted to be a pilot (or is it a Flight Attendant?) but stop
saying it aloud after I saw the 9/11 attack footage on TV (I still remember
seeing the plane hit the tower on TV but I can’t recall about wanting to be a
pilot/FA nor the abrupt diminish of my dream to be on the aviation field).
Back then I already know that I
don’t know what I wanted to be and so it’s kinda hard because our teachers will
asks us to make and write theme papers and essays about our dreams. But I have
my go-to answer, and that’s to be a teacher. Why? Because, number one, my
mother is a teacher so they’ll think it’s genetically inclined, and number two,
the profession is honorable so no need to further elaborate my answer.
Honestly, I don’t want to be a
teacher. It’s not that the job is not good or something, it’s just that seeing
Mama everyday wakes up early in the morning to finish the paper works she
wasn’t able to finished the night before makes me so tired. Yep, I got tired
just by seeing her do it repeatedly so I said ‘I’m out’. I don’t want to be a
teacher. I’m not that committed to be one. (But again, I’m not closing any
doors permanently)
When I reach High School I got
into books, big time. I can stay up to 3 hrs inside a bookstore just browsing
through the titles and when I read, I really read without distraction. I
remember reading the Beautiful Darkness in just a day where the only pause I
get was when I eat (because I will be scolded if I bring my book on the table)
or when… well, I can’t think of another one.
During high school my fondness
for book influenced me to aspire as an author. And as a human being without
concrete path I decided to choose AB Communication as my program in college.
Did I regret it? No, I don’t.
Even if I am still not an author,
choosing AB Communication has been one of my greatest and proudest choices I’ve
ever made in my life. Now, I’m in a different field and people expects too much
of me and my life’s next adventures.
Contrary to what other thinks, I
actually don’t have my life figured out and sometimes it’s frustrating but I
try to keep my cool. It’s frustrating because the society makes you feel like
you are a piece of crap for not being like others. You should be like this and
that lines thrown at you verbal or non-verbally can be too much to bear and
makes you doubt yourself.
People tend to be pessimist and
think that they are stuck in a life where dreams are dead and magical unicorns
are for crazy people who has an easy and figured out life.
I don’t believe in unicorns but
when you have the chance to make life more beautiful, even if it’s not real,
you grab it.
There’s too much ugliness in this
world and it wouldn’t kill you to hold on to something that makes life more
bearable.
You don’t have to have a 10-year
plan laid out for your future. You don’t have to have a step-by-step plan; it’s
just a matter of dreams and achieving your goals.
I don’t have life figured out but
someday I hope that I’ll understand all of it. And that my purpose will satisfy
my means and suffering.
So to everyone who doesn’t have
their life figured out yet, whether you’re girl or boy, I am with you.
Cheers.
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